Why did we get married?

Yes, that's a real question that I asked my wife. We were out on a "date night" recently when I said it. It was sort of a rhetorical question. I wasn't mad at the time. We weren't arguing. I wasn't yelling in Outback Steakhouse when I said it, like we were in the middle of a screaming fight and I screamed, "Why did we even get married???" It was a simple question I was posing to hopefully spur some thought. 

I was lying in bed a few weeks ago next to my wife. I was looking at my cell phone (It's an Android phone if anyone is interested. I went to the dark side a while back, mainly due to the price. Jen thinks it's a piece of crap. It kind of is, but it was only $49. And then I saw Ashley the other day, one of Jen's and my former players/students, and she couldn't believe I didn't have an iPhone anymore.) I looked at Jen and she was either looking at her iPhone or reading a book. She does both in bed, so I can't remember this time. 

At the moment I felt very disconnected from her. It wasn't like we weren't getting along or things were going bad. It just seemed as if we really had not been on the same page for a little while. So when we went to dinner one night a few days later, I popped the question. "Why did we get married?" She wasn't really sure what I meant, so I had to explain myself.

I know there are stages in life. Especially when you have kids involved, there are going to be periods, stages, cycles in life, whatever you want to call them, when you just do not feel close or connected to your spouse. Kids have a tendency to dominate our lives, as we've discussed before in blogs and videos. But even if you don't have kids, other things can potentially get in between you and your spouse. It might be TV, work, phones, friends, whatever.

So I asked the question because I wanted us to remember what it was that caused us to get married. In fact, Jen has also recently said she felt like we were not in sync, or that we were distant. It is so easy to get focused on so many other things that we forget to remember to connect with each other. I never want us to get to a point where the children, who obviously mean so much to us, take up so much attention and drive the activity in our lives that we can't be just Jen and Ant sometimes.

Part of this stream of thought stemmed from the road trip we took. It caused me to reminisce about the times when we would go on little trips together. The last time we had been in Philadelphia prior to this summer, it was just Jen and me. The Westminster brats had gathered up a ton of Wendy's cups for us when Wendy's was doing a promotion to give a way free AirTran flights. I don't remember how many cups it took, but they collected enough cups out of trash cans and dumpsters and from strangers to get us two free round-trip tickets to Philadelphia. We went and had such a blast. It also turns out that Jen was pregnant with TJ at the time, even though we didn't know it. 

We had season passes to Six Flags for two years. We went on a camping trip to Charleston, in the middle of summer, in a tent, and we had a campfire and also enjoyed a time share presentation for $75 worth of free meals and attractions. All of it my idea. We chaperoned high school field trips to Boston and Chicago. We flew to L.A. to visit my brother and sister-in-law, and visited the Grand Canyon and Las Vegas. We went to Chattanooga and Savannah. We went camping a bunch of other times. I don't know what else we did, but it was a lot of fun. 

I got a little side tracked just now thinking about all the trips we took. But what I really want to make sure is that we don't forget that we had so much fun, just the two of us. We loved each other's company and were goofy and spontaneous. It's not that we don't enjoy each other's company now, but it tends to be different. I have to be careful now not to talk all about the budget or money. She has to be careful not to always talk about plans for the kids. 

So when I popped the question, I just wanted her to think about it. Why did we get married? Let's don't lose sight that we were once just the two of us. We have added so many blessings to the picture that enrich our lives daily. However, without us, there is no them. Without our love, there is no future here. Let's remember it, and invest in it, and make an effort to be the "one couple" I like to joke about. Now and always. 

Jen, if you're reading...I love you, and you're the funnest person I know.

Fun is part of Happiness!

Jen and I had so much fun during the Facebook Live session last night. As I was thinking about what I was going to write about tonight, I looked at some photos I had snapped recently to remember ideas for future blog posts. I was looking through my photos saved on Google Photos, I looked back all the way to 2006. This reminiscing along with our time last night reminded me of one thing...Jen and I have a lot of fun together.

Yes, of course we used to have more fun time with just the two of us before we had kids, but we still do now. Whenever we have a chance to go out with just the two of us, we get a little goofy, just like we did last night.

What's interesting is that Jen has actually helped me a lot with this over the years. I've mostly been calm and reserved, the cool customer in life, not letting my emotions get too high or too low. But, you know what, sometimes it's okay to get excited about things and act like a kid again. I feel like I missed out on a lot of enjoyment because I was so calculated at times, or not wanting to get too high on the emotional roller coaster.

Even now she says I hate going to places like Disney. That's not true! I'm pretty pumped about it. I think it's going to be a great time, and I always look forward to opportunities to embarrass the boys. Like that time I got the whole Moe's restaurant to sing Happy Birthday to TJ. (Did anyone get that on video?) Classic.

Now, when we get a chance to have date night, we are usually one of two ways. Either we are both so tired that we're like zombies walking around or we're giddy like little school girls enjoying the opportunity to be what we used to be. Just the two of us.

The take away is this...never stop having fun with your spouse. It can only be good for you to enjoy your time together, even if that means walking down a sidewalk beside a major road in Philadelphia wearing matching plaid shorts. (To that end, I've added a few photos below that I enjoyed while thinking back on the fun times we've had.)

What are some of the ways you and your spouse still have fun even if you've been married many years and have kids around all the time? Leave a comment below, or comment on Facebook.

I'm really thirsty

I really like a challenge. I am very competitive (although maybe not quite as competitive as my wife), and I don't like to lose. I like a challenge when playing sports or playing a game. If I am playing basketball and teams are being selected, be sure to put me on the team that is the underdog. I find little satisfaction in being part of the team that "should" win. I want the challenge of being part of the team that has to give all it has to even compete. That is fun to me. For games and stuff like that, it's a blast.

But then there's real life. In real life, I have no interest in being challenged for the most part. Sure, there are times where I have to solve a problem or figure out how to get something to work. Those opportunities are exciting. If I can make it like an algebraic expression and solve for X, I'm gonna be all over that.

The things I don't like are circumstances that I can't control. That's not easy. For example: A relative is ill. Stuff at work is not going how we want it to. People are talking bad about us for no reason. That stuff is for the birds. Why would I want that for myself or anyone? That's all bad stuff. I want my real life to be easy and fun and enjoyable. But guess what...that's not always real life.

Real life is tough. The Bible even tells us that if we are Christians things won't be a breeze. In fact, it says life will be downright difficult at times. I've thought about this a lot the last year or two. I have heard this song (at the top) a number of times and feel like I can relate to it. I love one of the lines toward the end: "What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life, is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy."

Stop and think for a moment. What if...

For some reason as I am typing this I have so many thoughts going through my head I feel like I could write a book just on this topic. But I know there are a couple points I want to put out there to ponder.

Ultimately, we need to get to a place in our lives where we have a "thirst this world can't satisfy." If we are feeling good about life and loving every second and just going about our merry way, will we ever get to that place? It's a serious thing to consider.

One other thing that is on my mind is the question of what is good for us and what is bad for us. In light of my previous question, I tend to think that our definition of what is bad for us may differ from God's definition of what is bad for us. Don't misunderstand me here. One thing I believe that the Bible teaches is that God will at times discipline (for lack of a better word) us if we stray from the path He has for us. I believe that is what a loving Father would do to bring His children back to the right place. (In my view this is different than punishment as the Bible also teaches us that there is no more condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.) But separately, I think sometimes things happen in our lives that may even be caused by God that we would consider to be bad for us, mainly because they are trying and tough to handle. But here is the question...if something happens in our lives that causes us to turn to Him and seek His face more than before, could we possibly as Christians define that as a bad thing? I know it's difficult because we can't see the whole picture, but we need to remember that, no matter the circumstances, being close to Jesus and glorifying Him is our purpose here.

That concludes the post, really, but I just want to add a footnote of sorts. Remember that I am just typing my thoughts on life. I may be wrong on things, but I may be right. I am just going through life reflecting and trying to figure this stuff out, just like everyone else. Feel free to comment a question or observation even if you disagree with something I said. You won't hurt my feelings. I appreciate dialogue.