Why did we get married?

Yes, that's a real question that I asked my wife. We were out on a "date night" recently when I said it. It was sort of a rhetorical question. I wasn't mad at the time. We weren't arguing. I wasn't yelling in Outback Steakhouse when I said it, like we were in the middle of a screaming fight and I screamed, "Why did we even get married???" It was a simple question I was posing to hopefully spur some thought. 

I was lying in bed a few weeks ago next to my wife. I was looking at my cell phone (It's an Android phone if anyone is interested. I went to the dark side a while back, mainly due to the price. Jen thinks it's a piece of crap. It kind of is, but it was only $49. And then I saw Ashley the other day, one of Jen's and my former players/students, and she couldn't believe I didn't have an iPhone anymore.) I looked at Jen and she was either looking at her iPhone or reading a book. She does both in bed, so I can't remember this time. 

At the moment I felt very disconnected from her. It wasn't like we weren't getting along or things were going bad. It just seemed as if we really had not been on the same page for a little while. So when we went to dinner one night a few days later, I popped the question. "Why did we get married?" She wasn't really sure what I meant, so I had to explain myself.

I know there are stages in life. Especially when you have kids involved, there are going to be periods, stages, cycles in life, whatever you want to call them, when you just do not feel close or connected to your spouse. Kids have a tendency to dominate our lives, as we've discussed before in blogs and videos. But even if you don't have kids, other things can potentially get in between you and your spouse. It might be TV, work, phones, friends, whatever.

So I asked the question because I wanted us to remember what it was that caused us to get married. In fact, Jen has also recently said she felt like we were not in sync, or that we were distant. It is so easy to get focused on so many other things that we forget to remember to connect with each other. I never want us to get to a point where the children, who obviously mean so much to us, take up so much attention and drive the activity in our lives that we can't be just Jen and Ant sometimes.

Part of this stream of thought stemmed from the road trip we took. It caused me to reminisce about the times when we would go on little trips together. The last time we had been in Philadelphia prior to this summer, it was just Jen and me. The Westminster brats had gathered up a ton of Wendy's cups for us when Wendy's was doing a promotion to give a way free AirTran flights. I don't remember how many cups it took, but they collected enough cups out of trash cans and dumpsters and from strangers to get us two free round-trip tickets to Philadelphia. We went and had such a blast. It also turns out that Jen was pregnant with TJ at the time, even though we didn't know it. 

We had season passes to Six Flags for two years. We went on a camping trip to Charleston, in the middle of summer, in a tent, and we had a campfire and also enjoyed a time share presentation for $75 worth of free meals and attractions. All of it my idea. We chaperoned high school field trips to Boston and Chicago. We flew to L.A. to visit my brother and sister-in-law, and visited the Grand Canyon and Las Vegas. We went to Chattanooga and Savannah. We went camping a bunch of other times. I don't know what else we did, but it was a lot of fun. 

I got a little side tracked just now thinking about all the trips we took. But what I really want to make sure is that we don't forget that we had so much fun, just the two of us. We loved each other's company and were goofy and spontaneous. It's not that we don't enjoy each other's company now, but it tends to be different. I have to be careful now not to talk all about the budget or money. She has to be careful not to always talk about plans for the kids. 

So when I popped the question, I just wanted her to think about it. Why did we get married? Let's don't lose sight that we were once just the two of us. We have added so many blessings to the picture that enrich our lives daily. However, without us, there is no them. Without our love, there is no future here. Let's remember it, and invest in it, and make an effort to be the "one couple" I like to joke about. Now and always. 

Jen, if you're reading...I love you, and you're the funnest person I know.

Soul Mates - Myth or Truth?

"Webster's dictionary defines wedding as the fusing of two metals with a hot torch." Michael Scott is definitely our favorite. The real question is, where Phyllis and Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration soul mates? It's possible. Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines soul mate as a person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament. We've had this discussion a number of times. Is there just one person in the world that God has prepared for you, to enjoy life with you, and put up with you when you are an idiot? I'm not sure that I know the answer, but I will tell you this...I can't imagine living my life with anyone else than my beautiful bride.

I think the key word in the definition is "perfect." Can a spouse or significant other be perfectly suited for you? I don't believe in perfection. Obviously. If you haven't read it, go back and read our last blog post and you can see that I am not perfect at anything. But are you "perfectly suited to" me in temperament? I'm not sure temperament should be in the definition. What does that have to do with being soul mates? Well, then what is a soul mate? If it's not what the dictionary defines it as, then what is a soul mate to you? Before I answer that, I actually think we're pretty close to this definition. If we are defining soul mate based on temperament, ours are very different, but we are well suited to each other because we're opposites in that category. You complete me. <3 Please don't say that. Oh my gosh. 

But seriously, we do complement each other well in terms of our temperaments, I think. Well, I'm not sure I actually believe in the term soul mate if you go by what you said above. I am referring to the "one person just for you from God" part. Because, it doesn't take into consideration those who have spouses pass away or people who enter horrible relationships and are left alone and they end up finding someone else. Well, to my point above, I actually agree with you here. Are we done writing for the night? Just kidding. 

On a lot of my social media profile descriptions, I like to put "the one whom my soul loves." Related to me? No. Spiderman. You dingbat. I got confused. What is the significance of your word semantics? For me, being a soul mate would be loving with everything that you have, being committed through anything because we were paired for a purpose. Therefore, you would be the one that my soul loves, not necessarily believing in a "soul mate." And I know a lot of people who have been married a very long time whose temperaments are not equally opposite or not equally matched. 

To me, the idea of a soul mate makes it sound like everything is peaches and cream all the time. What is the significance of your word semantics? Clearly everyone in a relationship will have disagreements and challenges they face. When you hear that term does it not bring up that connotation in your mind like the couple is just a perfect match that was preordained by Almighty God Himself and could never have a problem? See, I totally disagree with you here. When I hear soul mate, I think of a long-fought, tough journey, where you've learned to connect in a way that other couples may not have. It's kind of like Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy. They started off really not liking each other and after a series of difficult events they moved past it and fell in love. Soul mate seems like it would be the example a deep, realistic relationship. I guess I think that because when you talk about your soul, it's a deep, hard to understand, sometimes painful mystery. (May I just say, speaking of deep, these are some deep thoughts from you right now. You are killing it on this blog, sleepy cough medicine and all. I think it's the cough medicine speaking through me. I also thought you were Spiderman. That's because I am, remember? I got bit by a black widow. Oh yeah.)

If we're going to talk about the idea of soul mates, we should really bring in the scripture that talks about how when a couple is married, the two shall become one. What is that one? Google it. (Thanks Tammy.) See Genesis 2:24, Mark 10:8, and Ephesians 5:31. I think we said we would do a blog at some point about the idea of a "one couple," but we need to research to find out which book that was. One of the examples of being a "one couple" is when you think the same thoughts at the same time. I like to say "one couple" a lot, and Jen likes to tell me to shut up. Shut up. So back to your use of the scripture? Well, I just thought we should mention it. Are you saying soul mates doesn't sound like it implies a one couple, or two that have become one? No, actually, I think it does. This idea that we were two and are now one, that sounds like a great definition of soul mates to me. 

According to God's design, you can't get any closer than being one flesh. Well, that sounds inappropriate. I think the biggest issue with soul mates is how people define the term. If you have some sappy, overly romantic, high expectations definition of the word, then you are going to be sorely disappointed. The same could be said of marriage. Good point. Back to the idea of being one, both participants in a marriage need to realize that it is no longer the individual that counts, but the set as one that is important. Make that effort to sacrifice self, now that makes you a soul mate.

So tell us your thoughts. What is your definition of a soul mate, and do you believe they exist? One couple. Shut up.