It happens almost every time a mom calls, messages or
e-mails me to book a family session. “My husband absolutely hates doing
pictures!” It happens so much that I think I could count on one hand the number
of clients who haven’t said it. Even my friends whose husbands I have known for
quite awhile, will say the same thing the first time they book. Let’s be
completely honest here friends. I live with four guys. I know exactly what you
are talking about. The last thing they want to do is go sit in front of some
person (sitting still no less) and smile like an idiot. Smiling too much hurts
anyway, right?
What is a Dodging Dad you might ask? It’s the dad who can’t
find time in his schedule to do photographs. The guy who not only shrinks away
from the camera, but from even being within ten feet of one. I am pretty sure
he even grimaces at the thought that security cameras follow his every move in
every store he’s ever walked into—including Tractor Supply. Truthfully, it’s
not because he is a bad person or wants to make his wife’s life a little
harder, he just doesn’t like doing it. It’s not at the top of his list of
favorite things to do. In fact, it might be at the top of his list of favorite
things not to do.
How can you tell if you are one of these dads? I will give
you a quick little quiz to determine if you fall into this category.
1) Do you make scheduling a time for family
photographs difficult? Whether it be a lack of flexibility in scheduling, to
grumbling and complaining about the timing, the weather, the clothes?
2) Do you look constipated in every shot during a
photo session and creep away to the car at the first opportunity that it might
look like your part is over?
3) Do you watch your wife lug her camera around
every vacation without offering to pick it up and shoot a few of her with the
kids?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might be
a Dodger. And no, not the cool kind that gets paid millions of dollars to throw
around a ball in the great American pastime.
Let me be real with you guys. Women have the tendency to be
hoarders. Not just like the crazy television show, but more emotional, memory
hoarders. We save everything from used pregnancy tests confirming we are
finally becoming parents, to a first lost tooth and a locket of hair from their
first hair cut. We want to document every chubby cheek, every little toe, every
sweet smile. It’s ingrained in us to be sentimental and for those things to be
important to us. It’s who we are and these moments—those that include our
families—are what we live for. That’s why, on every single holiday, vacation,
and school program you see us lugging around a camera—be it cell phone or a
complicated DSLR. It explains why we drive you a little crazy snapping pictures
on the beach as you dig in the sand with the kids or spend half our time at a
birthday party not socializing with guests, but shooting pictures of a little
toddler with cake all over his hands. It is also the reason behind our tears
when we flip through an album and realize that everyone is represented except
for—you guessed it—mom.
It makes sense that it wouldn’t be as important to you
because you are wired completely different. Sentimentality is not something you
are as familiar with. While you look at your wife’s desire for photographic
memories and see time and money gone, she looks at it as precious time she can
never get back, no matter the cost. And keep in mind, there is one place where
you both will feel the same. She’s just as uncomfortable and uncertain about
being in front of a camera as you are. Of course she is smiling and excited
about it, but behind it all she is worried about how these will turn out! Will
the kids behave? Will she photograph well, or look as tired and worn down as
she feels? Will the photographer be nice and understanding, or judgmental and
critical? Also, did I mention she worries about whether or not her kids will
behave??
“Oh no!,” you might be thinking. How can I give up my
dodging tendencies and make this experience a little easier on all of us? I am
so glad you asked! Here are a couple of ways to end your Dodging Dad status and
become the supportive awesome dad we all know you are!
1) Make an effort to be flexible when it comes to
scheduling. I know it’s tough with work, but she has made the effort to make
plans, it can’t hurt to be accommodating when it comes to scheduling.
2) When she asks for your opinion on clothes or
things to bring, give one! Even if you don’t care whether it’s jeans or khakis,
be active in the decision making and offer some thoughts. Often times, she’s
trying to coordinate the whole entire family’s wardrobe so a little input from
you not only shows you are interested, but care about what she’s planning.
3) Mentally prepare yourself to be pleasant at the
session. Yes, you are going to be smiling. Most likely you will be kid
wrangling. If you are shooting in August, you are going to be sweaty. No matter
what obstacles you might face, prepare yourself ahead of time to stay positive.
If you prepare ahead of time you are more likely to laugh, smile, and possibly
even enjoy your time with your family.
4) Don’t be afraid to show some PDA to your wife. Most
likely, you haven’t had photographs of the two of you together since your
wedding day (That’s the 2nd most thing I hear when people are scheduling!). Hug
and kiss her, hold her hand, laugh and smile with her—look at her like the
photographer isn’t even there. It’s okay. Every photographer is used to seeing
people do this so it won’t be weird for them. Make memories for your kids to
look back on and remember just how much their parents loved each other.
5) Be proactive about picking up your wife’s
camera—be it the cell phone or the complicated DSLR. If you are pretty
uncomfortable in front of the camera, this is a great way to at least avoid it
some (Don’t worry ladies! I will address your tendency to hide behind the
camera in a later blog!). Take the time to grab some shots of her and the kids
on vacation. Take a few of her holding her sweet little baby on Christmas
morning. Want to really jump out of the Dodger category? Take a few of her with
the kids without her knowing! It will be a little surprise for her on her cell
phone!
I know what I am asking you to do is tough. Asking you to
step out of your comfort zone is a big deal. Just consider for a moment how
much easier the experience would be for all of you if you were completely on
board and supportive of your wife in this. If you are still struggling with the
idea of doing the five action steps above, just think about your wife and all
she does for your family. Think about all the planning, child-rearing, working,
and loving she does every day. Stepping out of your comfort zone once a year
for a family photo session seems so small in terms of what she does for you 365
days a year. And, if you want to laugh and not have to fake some smiles,
consider hiring me. At least 80% of the dads I work with actually say to me
before they leave, “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be!” I take this
as a compliment and a challenge to make a family session as fun for dads as I
do the kids!
