I've been pretty selfish over the course of my life. As much as I hate to admit it, it's the truth. Even the title of this post is about me. Examining or taking an inventory of my own thoughts can reveal a lot about who I am and the condition of my heart. My thoughts and intentions have often been focused on what I can do to make myself feel better, or impress others, or deflect criticism and blame. I know there are times that are worse than others. The trouble is that it's difficult for me to see while it's taking place. When I'm worried so much about myself, for whatever reason I don't realize it. Sometimes it takes someone else to call me out on it.
It's certainly not that I want to worry only about myself. I think I even do things for others that could appear to be unselfish to someone else but are really in some way designed to benefit me. And I probably even feel like I'm thinking of others in those actions. For some reason I can't help it. I suppose it's part of human nature. Having said that, I'm pretty sure God wants me to let Him worry about me. I'm pretty sure He wants me to be focused outward, on others.
Here's a few reasons...
When I think about others and not so much about myself, it makes my life a lot more enjoyable. When I focus on me, and think about me, and dwell on my situation, it tends to cause me to sulk and feel sorry for me. When I think about others it causes me to share in their joys and stand with them in their sorrows. Even in sorrows, there's much more peace in supporting others.
When I think about myself, I am most likely missing an opportunity to be a blessing to someone else. God puts me in places, in my job, in my church, at the grocery store, to minister to and bless others. Dwelling on my state of affairs totally blinds me to the opportunities to help others and show them God's love. Shame on me for this. Someone around me may not receive something good that Almighty God has for them because of my selfishness.
This last one is the worst. When I am focused on me and not others, there's a really good chance that I'm robbing someone else of their joy. Something good happens for a friend, and I worry about how it's going to affect me. Or I think about how crummy a situation I might be in at the time and wonder why they have good things happening to them that aren't happening to me. It's a common occurrence, and despite my efforts on the outside to appear happy for them, I'm sure they can sense that my sentiments aren't from the heart. God wants me to focus on others so, again, I can share in their joys and successes. Life's a lot better for me that way.
I'm not sure how to wrap this up other than to say I think it's an every day battle. It's probably a lack of faith in God, too. I'm supposed to trust Him with my life. I say that I do. I guess some days that's true and others, well, not so much. If you're my friend (or family) and you see me being selfish, please tell me. Don't worry that I might get offended. I promise I will love you all the more for it. Besides, I don't want to steal your joy.
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