Wednesday, November 7, 2018

You know what's better than voting?

The other night, election eve actually, I made a post on Facebook about voting. In fact, I said I don't care if you vote or not. I got so tired of all the social media posts and online advertisements and mailers and commercials and phone calls and text messages and etc. etc. I think most people got tired of it. More specifically, I got tired of everyone, everywhere telling me to go vote. You can't tell me what to do. In many cases if there is a big consensus on something to do or some new thing, I go the other way. So telling me what to do and why I need to do it isn't going to influence me much. Look, you're an adult. If you want to go vote, do it. If you don't think it's that important, then don't. You probably aren't very informed anyway. So vote. Or don't. I care not. Apparently other people do, though, so my Facebook post seemed to rub a few the wrong way.
Hey, don't get me wrong. I think it's very important to vote. I always vote. I think you should vote too, probably, but honestly I don't care if you do or not. I might want you to NOT vote if I don't agree with you on politics.

Having said all that, instead of getting all worked up about how good your preferred politician is or how bad their political party is, I have another idea.
Raise your kids well.
That's right. Raise your kids well. Okay, so I've now probably lost those who don't have any children. If you do have children, or grandchildren, stick with me. What do you think is going to have a larger impact on the future of our country, our world: getting worked up about politics or raising your kids well? I know which one I'm choosing.

Let me be provide a few examples of what I'm referring to when I say raise your kids well.

Make your kids do what they are told. I know this is a hard one. We have a four-year-old. Sometimes we tell him to do something, and, especially when he's tired or irritated or hungry, he says, "I'm not gonna do it." What do you think happens next? Do you think we beg and plead with him and ask him please? Not quite. He's going to do that thing one way or the other, and he's probably going to face consequences for the way he responded. We can never be 100% on this. There will always be struggles. But be consistent.

I just recently read a book by Dr. Meg Meeker called Hero: Being the Strong Father Your Children Need. Great book. I highly recommend it. One thing she talks about is this notion that being restrictive in terms of what you allow your children to do will somehow damage them. Look, children need boundaries. They crave structure. They are dying for you to show that you care enough about them to protect them and to put in place rules that are ultimately for their good. They won't see it all the time, of course. But they also find comfort in knowing that they can freely explore within the boundaries that you have set. How wonderful for children to know that they can create and enjoy life within guidelines, and that they are safe there. Kids that feel loved and safe will flourish.

Don't try to be your children's friend. Your kids have enough friends. You are not their friend. You are their father, or their mother. Your children need you to discipline them when they do the wrong thing. Make sure the expectations are clear and that they understand. To be unclear is to be unkind (Dave Ramsey). When they violate the rules, they need to be punished. As they grow up, you will see the fruits of this sometimes uncomfortable action. Yes, they need to know that you are there for them. Of course you need to try to have a relationship where your kids feel like they can come tell you anything and talk through things. But don't mistake that for being worried that they will not like you if they do something they know they shouldn't and you discipline them. Your kids will feel loved and know that you care if you discipline them.

Make sure they know how to work. I will be the first to admit that my kids get way too much stuff without working for it. That's my opinion anyway. What can I say. They have grandparents and extended family who love to spoil them. We probably give them too many things too. I don't know. As parents we do try to make them work for things, and also work just to work. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to do work in life for rewards that aren't all that special. They help with the laundry. They help with the dishes. They help straighten up the living room. Their bedrooms are a disaster, but TJ has actually done really well with his in the last year or so. These things need to be done in a household to make it work. That is how life is sometimes.

If they play a sport, they have to work at it. They have to work to get better. There is satisfaction in a job well done. There are also rewards. They need to learn these things starting at a young age and gain a deeper understanding and appreciation as they grow and develop.

Those three things are pretty simple, right? I want you to think about this. What if all parents did these three things? How would that transform our country? What if we had a bunch of young adults who understood that when given instructions they should be completed? If not, there will be consequences. What if we had young adults who understood that it was okay to explore and enjoy and create within the boundaries or a civilized society? What if we had young adults who knew that there will be times when they get disciplined, and that is for their benefit? In a job, or in life, they know that if they get out of line they will be brought back to a place of productivity. What if we had young adults who had all been working their entire lives, starting at home with dishes and laundry and mowing the lawn and moving on to summer jobs at McDonald's or a dry cleaner shop or wherever? What if all these young adults knew that nothing would be handed to them without effort, and work, that they need to work to earn and achieve and that there is immense satisfaction and blessing in that?

Picture that. Communities and our country and world filled with young adults who know how to achieve and contribute and thrive through discipline and effort while respecting those in charge and others. Now that would be an amazing environment in which to have political conversations and debates. Then you wouldn't have to create a fancy Instagram post to tell these young people that they need to go vote. They would already understand the importance of it.

So vote. Don't vote. I don't care if you do or don't. But raise your kids well. I promise the return on that investment of time and emotional energy will be much greater.

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