This one's about me

I've been pretty selfish over the course of my life.  As much as I hate to admit it, it's the truth.  Even the title of this post is about me.  Examining or taking an inventory of my own thoughts can reveal a lot about who I am and the condition of my heart.  My thoughts and intentions have often been focused on what I can do to make myself feel better, or impress others, or deflect criticism and blame.  I know there are times that are worse than others.  The trouble is that it's difficult for me to see while it's taking place.  When I'm worried so much about myself, for whatever reason I don't realize it.  Sometimes it takes someone else to call me out on it.

It's certainly not that I want to worry only about myself.  I think I even do things for others that could appear to be unselfish to someone else but are really in some way designed to benefit me.  And I probably even feel like I'm thinking of others in those actions.  For some reason I can't help it.  I suppose it's part of human nature.  Having said that, I'm pretty sure God wants me to let Him worry about me.  I'm pretty sure He wants me to be focused outward, on others.

Here's a few reasons...

When I think about others and not so much about myself, it makes my life a lot more enjoyable.  When I focus on me, and think about me, and dwell on my situation, it tends to cause me to sulk and feel sorry for me.  When I think about others it causes me to share in their joys and stand with them in their sorrows.  Even in sorrows, there's much more peace in supporting others.

When I think about myself, I am most likely missing an opportunity to be a blessing to someone else.  God puts me in places, in my job, in my church, at the grocery store, to minister to and bless others.  Dwelling on my state of affairs totally blinds me to the opportunities to help others and show them God's love.  Shame on me for this.  Someone around me may not receive something good that Almighty God has for them because of my selfishness.

This last one is the worst.  When I am focused on me and not others, there's a really good chance that I'm robbing someone else of their joy.  Something good happens for a friend, and I worry about how it's going to affect me.  Or I think about how crummy a situation I might be in at the time and wonder why they have good things happening to them that aren't happening to me.  It's a common occurrence, and despite my efforts on the outside to appear happy for them, I'm sure they can sense that my sentiments aren't from the heart.  God wants me to focus on others so, again, I can share in their joys and successes.  Life's a lot better for me that way.

I'm not sure how to wrap this up other than to say I think it's an every day battle.  It's probably a lack of faith in God, too.  I'm supposed to trust Him with my life.  I say that I do.  I guess some days that's true and others, well, not so much.  If you're my friend (or family) and you see me being selfish, please tell me.  Don't worry that I might get offended.  I promise I will love you all the more for it.  Besides, I don't want to steal your joy.

Pet Peeves and Small Joys During the Season of Peace

Ok. I don't know about you, but there are so many things that happen to me during this season that drive me insane! I had to share a few of them with you.

1) I think they up the amount of toy commercials from October through December. In December it seems that they are shoving in as many as they can. (Thank goodness we only have basic cable now. I have no idea how many are being shoved in between Dora and Diego breaks right now!)

2) Parking in any parking lot (including the Dollar Tree) starting after Black Friday is a ridiculous task. People will literally tear off the front of your car to get a parking spot that even remotely seems like it might be closer to the door. I get that it's cold, but I have to get two kids in the store! Please, give a mom a hand and just let me have the space.

3) People who won't commit to the Christmas Play. Look, it's really hard to plan a Christmas Play if you are the lead role and are not sure you are going to show up. We only do this one time a year. Practicing for a few weeks (during church hours), showing up to the last dress rehearsal and the play should be a piece of cake.....right?

4) It irks the poo out of me when people will go all out decorating for Halloween, but won't even put up a strand of lights for Christmas. This might seem random, but I am an avid lover of Christmas lights. I appreciate those who get out in the cold and do the work!

5) Parents who refuse to tell their kids no. Picture me. I am in Wal-mart with the Straightforward Baby and the Straightforward Son walking remotely near the toy aisle trying to get to the pet section. A kid is screaming at their mother because they want to bring a toy home right now instead of having it for a gift. I then have to look my boys in the eye and give them a talking to just because of how that kid behaved. Ok, so maybe I don't "have" to, but I believe in being proactive!

Ok, so there are a few of my holiday pet peeves. Now for the REALLY good part! The joys....

1) I had the nicest Salvation Army bell ringer man (that was the most interesting thing I have typed all day) help me put the Straightforward Son in a buggy at Wal-Mart when it was about 20 degrees outside. He saw me struggling in my big jacket with my kid in his big jacket and came to my rescue. I usually drop in some change, but I gave that guy a dollar. He earned it and got a huge Merry Christmas from the Straightforward Son.

2) The Straightforward kids had THE BEST experience with Santa this year. I did a photo shoot at Bradley's Pumpkin Patch with the best Santa I have ever seen or been around. He spent time in between photos playing Leapster with a little boy who now thinks he and Santa are best friends. He'll never forget that special day!

3) We recently lost a wonderful member of our family this month. I had to explain death to my 3 1/2 yr. old son. You would think this would be terrible. Instead, he looked at me with those beautiful eyes and said, "Mommy, I will miss Uncle Walter, but I am sure glad you are still here." I have to admit I went somewhere and shed a few tears over that one.

4) Being a part of the Christmas activities at church again have just warmed my heart. I really love getting involved. Now that I have the ability to do so (without the craziness of a teaching schedule to hold me down), I am taking full advantage of it. The kids (no matter how uncommitted) have been a blessing and a lot of fun to be with. I can't wait for the Straightforward Son to sing his solo! I'll have to take some pictures and post!

5) Watching the Straightforward Son today perform in his class' musical debut was great. Of course, he started dancing and almost knocked a classmate over, but it was still precious and brought me much joy.

I would love to hear some of your pet peeves and joys of this season! Post them in the encouragements (otherwise known as comments) so we can enjoy them all!