If they're comfortable, they won't learn

It is certainly not our goal as parents to embarrass our kids for no reason, although it's not out of the ordinary for that to happen. However, there are times when making your child feel uncomfortable or putting them in a difficult situation can be helpful for their development. Jen and I don't really care if our kids are embarrassed because of us if it is for a good cause.

Even in this, he wasn't necessarily appreciating my instruction!

Today there were a couple of opportunities for us to help TJ grow in different areas, and we took full advantage. Last week we got an email about a big assignment the sixth graders at TFS were working on. It was a project that had elements of both English and world geography, so it was quite involved. Based on the conversations I had heard between TJ and his friend, I could tell that it was a big deal to them to do well.

Earlier this week, TJ's world geography teacher sent out an email inviting parents to come watch their kids present. I'm pretty sure some parents participated by preparing or bringing some food relative to the country their kid was discussing. We didn't do any of that. But what we did do, yeah, you guessed it, is show up for TJ's presentation. There weren't any other parents there, at least in the period TJ was in. Perhaps some others showed up in other periods. But he needs to get used to the fact that we are going to be there in the classroom pretty much any time we are invited!

Our boy was pretty nervous, Jen and I both observed. As soon as we walked into the classroom, Jen went over near TJ to introduce herself to his friends. And she gave him a kiss on the head. Just what a sixth-grade boy needs! Some of his friends were giving him a hard time about his little brother being there also, I think. The teacher asked for a volunteer to go first. TJ quickly said he would go first! That a boy, TJ! He did a great job explaining the characteristics of the country of Panama. We had practiced with him last night, following up on the practice he had done at school. Not only was he the first to present in his class at all as it was the first day of presentations this week, but he was also the only boy to present in class today.

Jen and I texted afterward when she got home. I told her I thought it was tougher for him with us being there. She hit the nail on the head in her response.

I think it's good for him to be uncomfortable in those situations because it's going to make him better. And that was a very tough situation for him to be in. He did a great job for what was thrown at him.

At the end of the day, TJ and his friend came to my office. After basketball practice (it was tennis earlier in the year), the routine is that they come into my office at about 4:45 and wait until I get off at 5 to head home. Occasionally one of my colleagues comes by to say hello to them and chat. Oftentimes, TJ and his buddy aren't very interested in having a friendly conversation. More likely they are playing some game on their Chromebook (every TFS students gets one to use all year and take home).

Today it happened that one of my colleagues came by to say hello and asked them a question. TJ did respond, I think, but barely acknowledged the adult standing in the doorway addressing them in conversation. When we left for the day, I told them both that when they are in my office and an adult comes to speak to them, they need to stop what they are doing and pay direct attention to the person engaging them. It can come across as rude, I continued, when you don't look up from whatever you are doing or barely utter a reply.

It probably embarrassed TJ a bit that I taught and corrected him in front of his friend, and that I corrected his friend as well. That's neither here nor there. He needs to learn the right way to do things, and we will never stop teaching him, no matter the situation.

The bottom line is, your kids and mine will never grow, they will never develop if they are not put in situations that are slightly distressing occasionally. They need to be continually pushed just outside the limits of their normal comfort zones and be forced to deal with and overcome and learn from those situations.

Stand strong parents! You can do it. It can be very difficult to watch your kids agonize and squirm in a place they are not familiar with. But do not lose sight that in the end, you will know that you have helped them develop in such a way to be a successful and responsible adult who contributes to the good in society. The Good Lord knows that we need more of those kinds of people, especially in this day and age.

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
-Proverbs 22:6