Ending the Clutter: Experience Gifts

You have been there. Maybe it was Christmas or a birthday, possibly even a regular day when you looked out at all your children have accumulated and thought, "This has to stop." I hit my breaking point last year. My kids have rooms brimming with toys, papers, books, games, and who knows what else. I saw Christmas looming ahead of me and instead of getting excited, I started to stress about more things coming into the havoc we already have going on. That was when I decided we were going to start gifting experiences rather than goodies. 

I bet you are wondering how this works. Well, for us, we give the gift of making memories. As a photographer, memories are super important to me. They play a vital role, not only in my work life, but in my life as a mom as well. When Anthony and I sat down to decide what the boys would be gifted for Christmas, I immediately expressed my concern about bringing more stuff into our overcrowded home. Furthermore, they don't play with 75% of what they have! He knew exactly what I was talking about. 

We started planning what we might do. I had huge dreams of a big trip (I won't go into the details because I had to have a surgery that put this dream on hold, possibly until 2019 due to paying for that--and I still want to do that one!) that would just blow the kids away. Well, after some financial set backs, I had to reel myself back in and start from scratch. We decided to start with a shorter flight (our kids had never flown and Reilly was dying to) and stick with places we knew well and knew they would love. 

Once we started planning, we quickly realized this would be more of a financial sacrifice than a regular Christmas. It wasn't as expensive as what I had envisioned previously, but when looking at it all together, I was like......dang! But then we started paying attention. What's going on sale? Where can we catch some breaks? We decided on Orlando, a destination we know well and all of our kids enjoy. First things first, how do we fly? We chose Southwest. While there are cheaper options out there, they were not only pretty close in terms of cost, but they allowed the most checked baggage without a fee, and took our stroller and car seat for free. On top of that, prices were much cheaper if we flew in the evening. Of course that is a sacrifice with young kids because you are out much later and it can affect their behavior and sleep schedule. We decided to make the sacrifice. 

  

There wasn't much of a break on the rental car because Anthony was terrified after reading some reviews of the cheap rental places. We stuck with Budget for that. I was okay with his choice. When you are arriving in an airport that basically shuts down when you arrive, you don't want to be held up or have to deal with craziness with your only mode of transportation out of the place. 

We did our research on the attractions and realized that SeaWorld ran a Black Friday deal where you could purchase buy one get one free tickets. That saved us a good bit. We decided our second stop would be Legoland where we could take advantage of the homeschool discount. What was great about this is that they allowed our whole family to use it even though only one of our kids was homeschooled. Little things like that will make me more comfortable in recommending your establishment to others, as well as returning. 

That left us with lodging. Lodging can be an expensive undertaking in a place like Orlando. To save moolah, we opted out of staying on location at SeaWorld. We stayed at a StaySky Suites about 3 miles away. It saved us at least $100 and we were still close enough to get to the park when it opened. Unfortunately, Legoland was not as cheap when it came to accomodations. There is basically nothing surrounding it, so the best option is to stay at their lodgings. To save money, we opted to stay at the Beach Retreat across the street instead of at the hotel there on the property. We have stayed at the hotel in the past when they had a Georgia Residents Discount. It was a great experience, but we wanted to try something different and save a few bucks. 

While it was more than what we would have spent on a regular Christmas, I knew that the lack of junk coming back to our house was going to be worth it. I also knew that the memories we would make with our kids would be worth so much more than what we paid. 

At Christmas, we gave the plane tickets to Reilly, the SeaWorld tickets to TJ, and the Legoland tickets to Jase. They were thrilled. Did they want a Nintendo Switch? Yes! Did they get one? No! We have gaming systems galore and they didn't need another one. Did they want huge nerf guns to add to their bulging nerf collection? Of course! Did they get them? No! You can find random nerf bullets all over the upstairs and usually between the couch cushions. 

We got back from our Christmas adventure (the only catch was the kids had to wait until February to "get" their gift) about a week ago and it was a complete success! Not only did our kids make some crazy good memories, they were worn slap out every night. They spent less time on their tablets and tvs and enjoyed time with dolphins, stingrays and penguins. They weren't having to get rid of stuff just to make room for more stuff, and instead got to take on Lord Garmedon on the Ninjago ride. We laughed and danced, braved big coasters and little coasters, spent time with family, and just marvelled at how much God has blessed us. Watching your kids during a time like that you realize how fast these moments go by and you are so grateful that you make the time and money sacrifice to do things like this. 

As many of you know, our family theme this year is "Adventure." So far, we have done several things to keep that up (by the way, have I mentioned that I am TERRIBLE at geocaching??). So far, that trip has been the best adventure. For those of you who follow my Cox Family Travel Logs, I know you got a first hand account of all the adventure. I am so thankful that we decided to skip the stuff and go for the memories. 

When I think back on my childhood, I don't remember most of the toys I owned. I remember a few--our Thundercats lair, our Voltron racetrack, My Little Ponies galore, G.I. Joe's. What I mostly remember are the trips we made. We went to places like Disney World, Panama City, and Washington, D.C. Some of our best memories were made in the car on the way to where we were headed. Believe me, we have the videos to prove it! I wanted my kids to have memories like that as well. 

Their birthdays are quickly approaching. I am currently in planning mode for gifts that will not crowd our home with stuff, but fill it with memories of time spent with those that love them the most. Oh, and adventure......lots and lots of adventure! 

How I read the Bible

It was about four years ago, right at the beginning of the year. I was in a place, or going through a time, however you want to characterize it, where I felt no direction in life at all. I knew I needed to be there for my wife and kids. I knew I needed to provide. I knew I needed to try to live my life to the best of my ability in such a way as to honor God. But I just didn't have any passion or fire. Is that any different than any other day in your life? Haha! I have to put that in there.

I was so tired of not feeling any direction in life, and I knew something had to change. On January 2, 2013, I decided to start reading the Bible in the mornings, every day, before I did anything else. So I did that. Every day. Every morning. Before I did anything else. I did that every day that year, and almost every single day it was before I did anything else. 

Jeremiah 29:13 says, "You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." So that was the start of my search. Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

Notice the second two words...seek first. What does that mean? It could mean a lot of things, and it could mean different things in various situations. What it means to me is that we should seek the kingdom of God first. Before anything else. It should be our primary aim, or first focus, the initial goal to be achieved above and before all else. I decided to take it literally, as in time of day. That's why I wanted to read his Word first, at the very start of my day. 

Sometimes I was a little too "religious" with the idea of it being first. My wife can tell you. One time I was reading the Bible when she asked me to go get something or do something outside the house. I promptly reminded her that she was messing up my commitment. Not the best idea. But I really did take it seriously. On Christmas morning, even, I got up early enough to make sure I read before we opened any presents! It was something I did not want to compromise on.

I read a couple chapters in the Old Testament and one in the New Testament, as well as some of Psalms and Proverbs. I read the entire Bible through the course of that year. I had a one year Bible that breaks it up into daily readings. Since then, I have read the Bible through three more times, once each year. I've used now three different versions of a one year Bible. I'll link them below.

To be clear, I don't think it is mandatory to read your Bible first thing in the morning before anything you do anything else. The Bible probably doesn't mean that. It means seeking his kingdom should be first, and that's probably not to be taken in terms of the order of your day. It probably means He should be the priority in your life. You might think more clearly and are more focused in the evening. That's fine too. But when I tried that, I ended up being too sleepy to concentrate and mostly just ended up not doing it. 

On the other hand, maybe that verse really does mean we should seek His kingdom first in the day, before anything else. I decided that commitment was important for me. It might not be for you. But when you have kids, having time with God, in whatever way you do it, in the morning before everyone wakes up and it is still quiet, is very special and sweet.

What is also very important for me to stay on track is to have a plan. When I was growing up I often read Proverbs, one each day. Of course there are 31 chapters in Proverbs, and I don't think that's an accident. You could start there if you need a plan. As I got older and knew I needed to read more, I could not keep my commitment without a plan. That's why the one year Bible works really well for me.

A downside to reading through the Bible in this way if that's the bulk of what you do is that you're not really "studying" the Bible. There are helps and notes and commentary in the one year Bibles, but it's not a situation where you explore a specific topic in depth to a great degree. But I asked God to help me see and learn what He wanted me to get. Each time I read though, even when it's a familiar passage, something new pops out to me. It's encouraging.

One other thing I haven't done a great job at is praying every day, much. More recently, last year, I began to write sort of a prayer journal each morning. Well, some mornings I do and some I don't. Sometimes I look at Facebook or check my email and my time goes. No time for that prayer. But I've always found with prayer that my thoughts wanted and I have trouble staying focus. It's that way for a lot of people. Writing my prayer and thoughts has been a very good way to stay focus. And it also allows me to go back and review my prayers periodically.

To be completely honest, I do feel like God has blessed me in this. There is more peace in my life. He has blessed my family, and I am content. You know I quoted Jeremiah 29:13 up above. Do you realize that's two verses after Jeremiah 29:11. Come on. You know that one. Say it with me. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." That's one version of it anyway. So after God says he has these plans for us, He follows it up with telling us how to find Him, and all those other things will follow.

If you are struggling with reading the Word, maybe give this plan a try. It really takes very little time, but you have to make it a priority. It must be something you do every day. Don't not do it. Be consistent. Every day. Every single day. Commit to it. If I can do it, you can. I promise you will be blessed. 

The first Bible I used:
The MacArthur Daily Bible, NKJV

The next Bible I used:
Charles F. Stanley Life Principles Daily Bible, NASB

The Bible I am reading now:
The Daily Walk Bible, KJV

Coaching your own, together

Those of you who know Jen and me are familiar with the passion we have had for basketball throughout a large portion of our lives. We both grew up playing the sport and ended up playing college basketball at the same time. It's basically the reason we met. My fourth year in college, Jen was the graduate assistant coach for the women's team. Then once we finished and got married, Jen started teaching at Westminster Christian School in Gainesville, GA, and had the opportunity to coach volleyball and basketball right away. That was the beginning of our coaching journey.

She had some very successful teams there, and I helped as much as I could. I also coached the JV boys team for a time, and ultimately I took Jen's place her last year there as she was carrying our first son, TJ. During that same time period we also coached some YBOA teams for Habersham, all girls starting at nine years old. That was actually a lot of fun. We had some hardworking girls who fought like crazy to win, and they listened and tried to do what we said. And it was before we had any children of our own, so we had a lot of free time and were able to help develop some kids. They were our kids when we first started.

Once we had Reilly, we decided to take time off and said we wouldn't start back until our kids were playing or they were old enough to understand why we were spending time doing something else. We definitely stepped away from the game. We spent time with our kids while they were young. Then TJ turned four and decided he wanted to play soccer. Gag me. Everyone knows I can't help coach soccer, so we enjoyed it from the sidelines. Wait...we did not enjoy it, but maybe he did. He played for a couple of years and stopped. 

Reilly played t-ball and baseball, and I helped a little bit with that, but I never wanted to be the "person of record." I didn't want to be the head coach for a number of reasons. You don't like being the head of anything. Okay. You don't. You don't like making decisions and being in charge of anything. ...Anthony typing.... You don't have to write that. Yeah I do. We said we'd be transparent and honest.

Reilly finally decided to play basketball when he was six in the fall. TJ had never shown any interest in basketball, and really not much in any sport at all. He always wanted to play golf, but he never really practiced it. We didn't force him into anything. He liked reading, and he did a lot of that. Early last year Jen starting working with TJ a little outside with basketball, and he finally worked up the courage to try to play. I think partly he wanted to please us because he knew it had been important to us.

I'll never forget the day that the rec league had tryouts, or observations as they call them. TJ was not skilled. They call the kids into the gym to do who knows what in front of all the coaches. He had not been in there more than five minutes when he came out the door on the far end of the gym. I met him before he got back around all the others. I asked him how it went. He replied, "I sucked," to which I said, "Don't say that word." He knew going in that he wouldn't be the best out there. But we were super proud that he had decided to try despite what could be an embarrassing situation for him. These days, starting to play a sport when you are 10 puts you way behind many others.

While he played in the spring, he improved a little, but we knew he needed more instruction. So I told him if he wanted to play in the winter that I would try to coach his team. Well, of course Reilly decided to play too. But we knew he was going to play. He likes to take a break from baseball. It wouldn't have been right to coach one and not the other, so two days before tryouts I got the call that they were both my teams to coach.

So you started coaching. We started coaching. Sure. If you want to call it that. Care to elaborate? They are your teams. You're saying that because we only have one win between the two teams. No. It's because we have boys, not girls. 

We had never coached rec league before and didn't know what to expect. We've been trying to teach the kids skills to use in the games, but I should have probably focused a little more in practice on how the game works. No, I think we did a good job with that part, but it takes time to teach skills. There have been moments where it looks like the teams are really getting a good understanding of what we're asking to do, and there have been other more frequent times when everyone is lost.

We also have never coached our own kids until now. It's the pits. Here's the thing. Our kids aren't great at basketball. They try. They really do. They just don't have the experience and aren't very strong for their ages, I guess, and they're not as aggressive and confident as we'd like to see. It can be frustrating when you can't get your own kids to do what you want them to do, and know that they can do. 

But, I take a large part of the blame here. Since TJ never showed any interest, I didn't go out and work with him much at all. Jen did a good bit, as much as she had time for. No. You make it sound like I hardly have any time for our children if you go by his skill level. Not what I meant at all. You see, our kids would often rather sit inside and read a book (TJ) or play video games (Reilly and Jase) than go outside and practice a sport. So even when we should be helping them practice, it's sometimes like pulling teeth just to get them out there. And then they complain. It makes me want to give up. Yeah, or not even start, which is I suppose the approach that I took. I figured if they didn't want to try then I wasn't forcing them to do anything. It's too tiring.

Fast forward to last week on Thursday night. We had a particularly frustrating game with TJ's team. It was just awful. Nothing went right. Nothing I did helped. We couldn't play defense or offense. TJ couldn't even catch the ball, which we get on to him for. So we got home at about 8:15 and I channeled my frustration into practicing passing and catching with the boys. I spent about 30 minutes that night with TJ and Reilly passing and catching and dribbling. And I was passing the ball hard at them, inside the house. Yeah. It was a lot of fun. We only hit the ceiling fan light a couple of times. Don't tell Jen.

That night TJ responded before bed with a "thank you" for working with him. He promised he'd be better. I told him we were going to practice every day, and he said that he was up for it. I think just like with anything else, their interest will follow you putting more effort and time into it. Do you think that just applied to the dads? At the time I was working with him, I was also teaching him other things. So I think he felt special when you took the time to do it. It is very interesting that we've done it every day since then (except today...oops), and they've been mostly excited about working at it and have enjoyed it. I did see some improvement with TJ in the game on Monday. Not a lot, but some. He did catch the ball. Maybe you need to start working with him on his confidence every day. Yep. It's a work in progress.

The point is that I am forcing them to do it. They might do it voluntarily sometimes, but not all the time. Maybe we have to teach them how to have desire for something. I don't really understand it. I feel like when I was young I just wanted it and knew I had to work for it. Well, how did your parents teach you? They taught me that you had to work hard to get better at something. But come to think of it, I had a brother that was almost 10 years older than me, and I always wanted to be as good as him. He taught me a lot, and we had some heated battles in the back yard.

One other element of coaching is how it has impacted our relationship. We have coached together since day one after college. One time when Jen was head coach she kicked me off her bench. Not even kidding. Nicole Mason (Davis) had clearly traveled, and I stood up and yelled, "She traveled Mr. Ref!" He blew the whistle and gave me a technical foul. Jen turned to me and said, "Get off my bench." You're lucky I didn't punch you in the face. So that was fun.

When we coached YBOA we got to travel around a little and spend time together. It's always been intense when we're on the sidelines together. We don't always agree, and Jen will let me know when I'm wrong. But she is so passionate about things, she says a lot of stuff. :) And you're wrong a lot. See what I mean. Jen is helping me coach Reilly's team this year, and after the very first game of the season she said to me, "I think you need to do this alone. It's not good for us to do this together." Of course I think that's ridiculous. She had given a suggestion on the bench during the game and I asked her how that would help. Probably not the best thing to say. Since then I have listened much better and we're much more on the same page. She knows what she's talking about, and in the heat of the moment sometimes I'm so worked up I'm not thinking clearly.

I guess we'll see how far the boys go with basketball, or baseball, or whatever sport. Anytime we can we will be there on the sideline teaching them and their teammates how to play the game and what it teaches us about life. Until then we'll keep working with them and forcing them to get better. If they are going to do something, whatever that thing may be, they are going to work and practice and improve. Or they won't do that thing. It should say "or they'll die trying."

The Cox Family Adventure in 2018

Boy, Christmas just came and went right? I swear we just got the tree and got the Christmas lights up on the house! Even so, here we are, already on the 2nd day of the new year. I know most people will write blogs and other social media posts about resolutions and big changes to come in 2018. Why you will take the time to read mine, I have no idea. Either way, I want to share with you what will be different for our family.

As many of you know, we recently took a trip to visit family in Florida. On the long, yet made much better by stopping halfway, way back, we did something we have never done before. We decided to have a theme for our year with just a couple of goals that relate to our mission. (Just a side note, if you want boys to get excited about doing anything, call it a mission. It just helps those of us women who live in a man's world get some cooperation.)

So announcing to all 50 people who will read this the first annual Cox theme for the New Year--ADVENTURE. Don't be underwhelmed. It has a lot of different facets to it.

First, we discussed that an adventure could happen in so many different areas of our life every day. If you think about it, each new day is an adventure. No day is exactly the same no matter how in a rut you feel. Adventures can appear in our spiritual, emotional, and physical lives. Adventure doesn't just mean trips. When most people think of adventure they think of scaling mountains or visiting a place you have never been. If you Google the definition of adventure it says this--

"an unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity."

Most moms would look at that definition and see one word--HAZARDOUS. I know what you are thinking. It's probably the same thing 2017 me would say. "NOPE." We already have enough hazards going on here in this house with three boys running around and jumping off things." But after putting a lot of thought into this theme and after discussing it with the family, I realized that everything we do worth doing has its own risks and dangers. Shoot, when I chose to marry Anthony, it was coming with the risk that he could hurt me. And not just hurt me a little bit! I could totally be left heartbroken if the adventure I took on didn't work in my favor. When we decide on colleges, jobs, churches, friends, what to eat at lunch.....it all comes with a risk, with some kind of danger. 

When I looked at it from this perspective, I realized that maybe I was being a little bit overprotective of the boys, not to mention Anthony and I. As we grow and mature, part of that process is learning to be able to assess risk and determine whether or not it's worth it. We also learn to deal with risks that turn out in our favor. That right there might be one of life's hardest, but most worthwhile, lessons. We have to learn to pick ourselves back up and keep moving forward. If you don't learn this important skill, it can have dire consequences.  

So, back to our family. If you know my children, you know their personalities. TJ is the cautious, always assessing the risk and possible pitfalls that will happen kid. He is the one that looks at the bike, the roller coaster, the height and says, "What are the chances this will kill me?" If they chances are 10% or greater, he will not choose that thing. Reilly, on the other hand, doesn't assess anything until after the fact. You can see it in his face as soon as he gets in trouble for doing something he knows he shouldn't do. It registers every time. You can see his mind going, "Yep, probably should have thought that through." Then of course there is the baby Jase. He is anything but a baby most of the time. Risk? What's risk? And even afterwards, even after it falls apart miserably, he keeps on doing his thing. For instance, while on this aforementioned trip, Jase just jumped off into the pool while it wasn't his turn. (Yes, yes....we will be getting this kid swimming lessons in 2018.) While TJ would have never done it, Reilly would have come up in total fear and panic, Jase just kept smiling and looked at me and waved after being rescued by his dad. It's just how they are built. And while who they are is awesome and exactly what God created them to be, they each need to learn something from this family theme we have chosen. 

Each day we will look for an adventure. It might be something God puts right in front of us like a friend who we need to witness to or encourage. It could be in trying a food we might not have otherwise tried. Maybe it means strapping in to a roller coaster or jumping on a bike and riding with training wheels. No matter what form, I want my kids to tackle it head on. But I also want them to look back and think about what they learned from that adventure. Was it worth the risk? Would they do it again? How do they feel after? 

Within adventure, each of us added a goal for our family that will help us have an adventure this year. Here is the list:

1. Empathy

2. Sharing

3. Keeping Order

4. Time Management

5. Be Active

I am sure you are looking at this list and thinking how in the world do these apply to adventure? Take a second look. First, if we are empathetic, we are looking beyond ourselves and see the plight of others. It many cases, that results in us reaching out to those people. That can be a huge adventure in possibly creating a new friendship. It can also lead to us giving in big ways. We realized that giving can be a huge adventure and it, and relationships, can be very risky. Second, sharing means letting go. It means letting someone else have or share in something that you would normally keep to yourself. What an adventure it can be to let go and allow someone else to be part of the journey with you. Whether it comes in the form of a toy, the gospel, our food--whatever we share can put us on the path to a big adventure. Third, keeping order allows us more opportunities to go an adventure when the chance arises. I am not the most organized and neat person. I have tried so many times to make this change and it has never stuck. To be honest, I didn't marry the most organized and neat person either. We realize now that, with a plan, we can conquer this and have more opportunities to host people in our home, be able to head out of the house, or just plain be ready when adventure calls. 

Fourth, time management is a huge issue for all of us. From Anthony all the way down to Jase, we have to budget our time wisely. Of course this seems a little less adventury, but if we budget our time and get things done in a timely manner (working smarter, not harder) we have more time for adventure when it calls. It offers us the opportunity to be ready. The last one is a big one for me. I live in a house of button pushers. Men who love their technology and are really good with it. But it can be time consuming--even for me. This year we are committing to less screen time and more activity. Think about the adventures that wait if we would just cut back on the button pushing, finger swiping, and double tapping? It also means that Anthony and I can get back in shape before we go off on our big 15th wedding anniversary adventure!

So as you can see, ADVENTURE is the word of the year for us. My prayer for us is that God will bless this commitment we have made to each other and to Him. I am not looking for all our risks to pan out, but that when they don't we learn how to handle it.  Losing, failure, broken hearts--they are all part of life. And if we can learn how to handle that together, then hopefully we will be putting some pretty amazing young men out into the world. 

What's your word for your family this year? Let us know! Do you have other goals for your family? Share them with us. We will hold you accountable, just as I hope you will do the same for us!

Peace on Earth?

Originally published to Facebook several years ago...

I know you have heard the "Christmas" story from the Bible. When I was a kid there was a certain verse that really confused me. 

Luke 2:14
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

And you're thinking to yourself, what is so confusing about that? It's pretty straight forward, isn't it? Well, I didn't get it, either because I was thinking about it the wrong way or because I am just not very smart. I kept thinking, why would the angels say peace on earth and good will toward men? Why would God put that in there? First of all, there isn't peace on earth. There is war everywhere, and it seems that few people can agree on much of anything. Where's the peace? 

Then there's the part about goodwill. All the time during the Christmas season you hear about "goodwill" to your fellow man. "This is the season of peace and goodwill." That is the type of thing that is said. Maybe it is true that during this time most people tend to give more to those who are needy. I don't know. 

But the question still remained, why would the angels say this to the shepherds? Peace on earth? Good will toward men? I just don't get it.

Then it hit me. I know why I don't get it. These words are coming from God's perspective. Let's think back to Adam and Eve. Early on they were at peace with God. They were able to commune with him without any problem. Then it happened. Sin. There it is. It changed everything. 

Suddenly man knew it couldn't measure up to God, and couldn't be close to him. So man had to hide, without any close communication or relationship to a holy god. That is, until Christmas. If someone asks me what Christmas is all about, I'll quote Luke 2:14. Through that little baby, who came to us in the most humble of circumstances, God has made a way. God restored the relationship between himself and man-you and me.

To sum up, the angels were telling us that, after all the hundreds and thousands of years that man had to hide from God's presence because of his (man's) wickedness, now there was a way for there to be "peace on earth," between God and man, not between man and man. Jesus was a representation of God's "goodwill toward men." Aren't you glad that Almighty God has goodwill toward you?

So don't miss it. In all the business and presents and food and family. Don't miss what Christmas is about. It's about God making a way for you to be close to him, for the creature to again be close to his Creator. As the Christmas classic Hark the Herald Angels Sing states, "God and sinners reconciled..." Are you taking advantage of this gift? Am I...?

Stressing over Stress

It's that time of the year again. The push of three holidays right in a row. The shorter days that turn into very long nights. Family interactions that can either be uplifting or a complete nightmare. Social events where people expect you not only to show up, but participate like a normal human in a normal society. All in all, it is the most wonderful time of the year, but it's also the most stressful time of the year.

Yeah, yeah.....I know. If you follow me at all on any social media outlet, you know I talk about my stress level. It usually peaks around holidays because of the type of business that I run, but it also pretty much runs me ragged just about any time of the year. So I decided to sit down and try to identify some of the root causes for me and hope that it might just help you identify yours!

So I here I sit with my pen and paper wondering why in the world am I so stressed out. It's more than just a hectic work schedule, balancing three kids and a husband, a barely existent social life and crazy holiday activities. There are root causes as to what gets me to the point where I am ready to have a panic attack and crawl into bed to never come out.

First thing I write down--I think I am in control of EVERYTHING. I am not kidding. I am that person that thinks that they can juggle a lot of balls and the performance will come out something like a stellar cirque du soleil act. You know, the ones where people flip around on strings and bars and do amazing things. Well, probably not while juggling, but you get my point. And the truth is, I am more like that kid in clown school who is just learning how to juggle with two feet planted on the ground. And it's not turning out quite like he planned. The balls inevitably fall and I find myself failing in not just one area but two or three. The stress rises as each ball flies into the air. With each one that I don't catch, it starts to take my breath away until I feel like I need an oxygen tank to keep going.

Not only do I take on and try to control a lot, I hate to let go of things and trust other people to help me with anything. You have heard the old saying, "If you want things done right, you need to do it yourself," right? Well, it's like a motto for me. I know it drives Anthony crazy. He doesn't tell me that, but I feel it in my bones. I do trust him, but sometimes, letting go of something and letting him handle it can cause me so much stress. Again, the oxygen tank needs to be brought out of storage.

So after writing down number one, what's my action to dealing with this root cause? Well, I write down--I DON'T HAVE CONTROL. Literally that big and in a loud voice yelling it at myself. Seriously! What was I thinking? I can't control the weather on mini session days. I can't control when my kids become ill or when I fall off of a ledge and mess up my ankle. I can't even control my holiday preparation plan. Things happen that will throw it off. For instance, I have been so stressed because my kids carved their pumpkin the day after Halloween. It broke my heart that I had somehow fallen down on my job as a mother. Yesterday, I realized that I needed to let it go and we went and bought a Mickey Mouse set to dress up our other pumpkin on our front porch. (And yes, it was over half off since Halloween was over.)

So if I don't have control, who does? Well, that my friends, is something I know in my head but I don't often internalize and take to heart. GOD. Plain and simple, He has my back and knows how all of this will turn out. All He asks me to do is--"Trust in the Lord and do what is good; dwell in the land and live securely. Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires. Commit your way to the Lord; Trust in Him, and He will act, making your righteousness shine like the dawn, justice like noonday. Be silent before the Lord and wait expectantly for Him..." (Psalm 37) But doing those things means intentionally letting go of my thinking that I actually control things and handing over my stress. And let me tell you, for some strange reason I am like Gollum when it comes to letting go. (My Precioussssssss........)

Second thing I write down--refusing any kind of me time. This was hard for me to realize. A few weeks ago, some friends invited me out to dinner. I told both of them I couldn't make it because I was working that evening and I wouldn't have time to clean up and I would probably be tired. I stressed about saying no. I stressed about saying yes. Finally, Anthony told me I was going and I ended up having a great time. It gave me some down time to destress and think about things other than those that weighed heavy on my mind.

When I go to the store, I typically don't go alone. When I go to the bathroom, most likely there are other people in my stall. When I eat, there is someone at my elbow. No matter what I do and when I do it, I am constantly reminded that it's not about me. So when I do think about doing something for me, I feel guilty about it.

What's my action to dealing with this? I will not let stress, tiredness, time crunches, neediness, etc, get in the way of me taking care of myself or taking time off. Doing something to take care of me will help make me a better juggler.

The third thing I wrote down was seeing my circumstances as huge instead of my God as huge. A lot of times, all I can see is the negative. Every single time I put my children in a car that is not driven by me, I envision every single bad thing that could happen. My mind goes crazy. I don't focus on how grateful I am that He provided someone to help me get my kids where they need to go. I don't think about how He protects them every day from unseen dangers and attacks. I focus on the negative. My God is bigger than all my problems--even the ones that come with big stress. In fact, He is bigger than the biggest stress.

I am going to admit it, sometimes I allow my problems to make my God look small. He is bigger than anything I could ever face! Yeah, I may disappoint someone or not do something right. I may miss a deadline or forget to carve a pumpkin. But those mistakes are small in comparison to making the mistake to not trust God for everything. I also started thinking about how I worry so much about disappointing others! Man, if I worried about disappointing God half as much, maybe I wouldn't have time to worry about the other side of that!

So what's my action for this one? Stay up on my Bible time. It's a great reminder that, "My God is big, so strong and so mighty there's nothing my God cannot do!" That means I have to get up and focus on it. That's easier said than done when you work some late nights or have a kid who can't sleep during the night. Yet, I find that it's worth it. On those days I get up and start my day with Him, I tend to do better with the stress.

So what are some of your root causes of stress? Share them with us! I bet there is an action you can take to combat it!

That was the night before Christmas

In the past, I was always one of those people who was not in favor of Christmas songs and decorations coming before Thanksgiving, Most people fit into one of the two camps on that. But when I married my wife, it would have been hard to not absorb some of the year-round Christmas spirit. She loves everything about the Christmas time of year, from the music, to the movies, to the gifts, to the family time, to the focus on Christ.

I grew up in a family where Christ was undoubtedly preeminent, but the Christmas celebration was not a big focus. I would get irritated when people would start singing Christmas songs or do Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving. I was Charlie Brown, thinking Christmas was too commercialized. Well, it is, as we all know. But I've changed.

This afternoon after lunch I asked the boys to clean the living room. Of course that set off all kinds of weeping and wallowing in pity. And I was going to put Pandora on the TV, which they thoroughly do not enjoy. I asked TJ what he wanted, and he wanted Christmas music. So I set it to the Toby Mac Holiday channel. I loved singing along.

I've come to realize that for a Christian, a follower of Christ, Christmas is all year long. Joy fills my heart when I sing those songs, the songs that remind us that God almighty came in the flesh to save us, you and me. The most unlikely of circumstances changed everything for humanity.

During the cleaning time, a song came on that I think beautifully tells the story. The night before Christmas, there was no hope. Then Hope arrived.

Empty manger,
Perfect stranger,
About to be born.
Into darkness, sadness,
Desperate madness, creation so torn.
We were so lost on earth,
No peace, no worth.
No way to escape.
In fear, no faith, no hope,
No grace, and no light
But that was the night before Christmas.
Warm hay, cold sweat, a mother, not yet.
Praying godspeed the dawn.
She looks to her man, holding her hand.
They wonder how long.
And the shepherds,
Wise men come to find them,
And bow to a king.
One star above shining on love,
So bright it lit up the night before Christmas. 

And the world didn't know mercy was meek and so mild.
And the world didn't know that truth was as pure as a child.
The night before Christmas.
The night before Christmas. 

And the world didn't know,
Redemption was sweet and so strong.
And the world didn't know salvation was writing a song.
The night before christmas.
The night before christmas.
The night before christmas.
Empty manger, perfect stranger, about to be born.

So, celebrate Christmas anytime and all the time. Take joy in the arrival of Jesus all year long. Don't forget to have a thankful heart at Thanksgiving, and always. But, Jesus, he made the difference, and that should on the forefront of our thoughts. If you don't know Him, I wish you would.