She had some very successful teams there, and I helped as much as I could. I also coached the JV boys team for a time, and ultimately I took Jen's place her last year there as she was carrying our first son, TJ. During that same time period we also coached some YBOA teams for Habersham, all girls starting at nine years old. That was actually a lot of fun. We had some hardworking girls who fought like crazy to win, and they listened and tried to do what we said. And it was before we had any children of our own, so we had a lot of free time and were able to help develop some kids. They were our kids when we first started.
Once we had Reilly, we decided to take time off and said we wouldn't start back until our kids were playing or they were old enough to understand why we were spending time doing something else. We definitely stepped away from the game. We spent time with our kids while they were young. Then TJ turned four and decided he wanted to play soccer. Gag me. Everyone knows I can't help coach soccer, so we enjoyed it from the sidelines. Wait...we did not enjoy it, but maybe he did. He played for a couple of years and stopped.
Reilly played t-ball and baseball, and I helped a little bit with that, but I never wanted to be the "person of record." I didn't want to be the head coach for a number of reasons. You don't like being the head of anything. Okay. You don't. You don't like making decisions and being in charge of anything. ...Anthony typing.... You don't have to write that. Yeah I do. We said we'd be transparent and honest.
Reilly finally decided to play basketball when he was six in the fall. TJ had never shown any interest in basketball, and really not much in any sport at all. He always wanted to play golf, but he never really practiced it. We didn't force him into anything. He liked reading, and he did a lot of that. Early last year Jen starting working with TJ a little outside with basketball, and he finally worked up the courage to try to play. I think partly he wanted to please us because he knew it had been important to us.
I'll never forget the day that the rec league had tryouts, or observations as they call them. TJ was not skilled. They call the kids into the gym to do who knows what in front of all the coaches. He had not been in there more than five minutes when he came out the door on the far end of the gym. I met him before he got back around all the others. I asked him how it went. He replied, "I sucked," to which I said, "Don't say that word." He knew going in that he wouldn't be the best out there. But we were super proud that he had decided to try despite what could be an embarrassing situation for him. These days, starting to play a sport when you are 10 puts you way behind many others.
While he played in the spring, he improved a little, but we knew he needed more instruction. So I told him if he wanted to play in the winter that I would try to coach his team. Well, of course Reilly decided to play too. But we knew he was going to play. He likes to take a break from baseball. It wouldn't have been right to coach one and not the other, so two days before tryouts I got the call that they were both my teams to coach.
So you started coaching. We started coaching. Sure. If you want to call it that. Care to elaborate? They are your teams. You're saying that because we only have one win between the two teams. No. It's because we have boys, not girls.
We had never coached rec league before and didn't know what to expect. We've been trying to teach the kids skills to use in the games, but I should have probably focused a little more in practice on how the game works. No, I think we did a good job with that part, but it takes time to teach skills. There have been moments where it looks like the teams are really getting a good understanding of what we're asking to do, and there have been other more frequent times when everyone is lost.
We also have never coached our own kids until now. It's the pits. Here's the thing. Our kids aren't great at basketball. They try. They really do. They just don't have the experience and aren't very strong for their ages, I guess, and they're not as aggressive and confident as we'd like to see. It can be frustrating when you can't get your own kids to do what you want them to do, and know that they can do.
But, I take a large part of the blame here. Since TJ never showed any interest, I didn't go out and work with him much at all. Jen did a good bit, as much as she had time for. No. You make it sound like I hardly have any time for our children if you go by his skill level. Not what I meant at all. You see, our kids would often rather sit inside and read a book (TJ) or play video games (Reilly and Jase) than go outside and practice a sport. So even when we should be helping them practice, it's sometimes like pulling teeth just to get them out there. And then they complain. It makes me want to give up. Yeah, or not even start, which is I suppose the approach that I took. I figured if they didn't want to try then I wasn't forcing them to do anything. It's too tiring.
Fast forward to last week on Thursday night. We had a particularly frustrating game with TJ's team. It was just awful. Nothing went right. Nothing I did helped. We couldn't play defense or offense. TJ couldn't even catch the ball, which we get on to him for. So we got home at about 8:15 and I channeled my frustration into practicing passing and catching with the boys. I spent about 30 minutes that night with TJ and Reilly passing and catching and dribbling. And I was passing the ball hard at them, inside the house. Yeah. It was a lot of fun. We only hit the ceiling fan light a couple of times. Don't tell Jen.
That night TJ responded before bed with a "thank you" for working with him. He promised he'd be better. I told him we were going to practice every day, and he said that he was up for it. I think just like with anything else, their interest will follow you putting more effort and time into it. Do you think that just applied to the dads? At the time I was working with him, I was also teaching him other things. So I think he felt special when you took the time to do it. It is very interesting that we've done it every day since then (except today...oops), and they've been mostly excited about working at it and have enjoyed it. I did see some improvement with TJ in the game on Monday. Not a lot, but some. He did catch the ball. Maybe you need to start working with him on his confidence every day. Yep. It's a work in progress.
The point is that I am forcing them to do it. They might do it voluntarily sometimes, but not all the time. Maybe we have to teach them how to have desire for something. I don't really understand it. I feel like when I was young I just wanted it and knew I had to work for it. Well, how did your parents teach you? They taught me that you had to work hard to get better at something. But come to think of it, I had a brother that was almost 10 years older than me, and I always wanted to be as good as him. He taught me a lot, and we had some heated battles in the back yard.
One other element of coaching is how it has impacted our relationship. We have coached together since day one after college. One time when Jen was head coach she kicked me off her bench. Not even kidding. Nicole Mason (Davis) had clearly traveled, and I stood up and yelled, "She traveled Mr. Ref!" He blew the whistle and gave me a technical foul. Jen turned to me and said, "Get off my bench." You're lucky I didn't punch you in the face. So that was fun.
When we coached YBOA we got to travel around a little and spend time together. It's always been intense when we're on the sidelines together. We don't always agree, and Jen will let me know when I'm wrong. But she is so passionate about things, she says a lot of stuff. :) And you're wrong a lot. See what I mean. Jen is helping me coach Reilly's team this year, and after the very first game of the season she said to me, "I think you need to do this alone. It's not good for us to do this together." Of course I think that's ridiculous. She had given a suggestion on the bench during the game and I asked her how that would help. Probably not the best thing to say. Since then I have listened much better and we're much more on the same page. She knows what she's talking about, and in the heat of the moment sometimes I'm so worked up I'm not thinking clearly.
I guess we'll see how far the boys go with basketball, or baseball, or whatever sport. Anytime we can we will be there on the sideline teaching them and their teammates how to play the game and what it teaches us about life. Until then we'll keep working with them and forcing them to get better. If they are going to do something, whatever that thing may be, they are going to work and practice and improve. Or they won't do that thing. It should say "or they'll die trying."
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