I love Mr. Darcy

I have always loved Pride and Prejudice. From the moment I first read the book, I felt this amazing connection with Elizabeth Bennett. In my mind, I was her. We had way too many similar qualities, I was just born in the wrong time period.

I have to admit, I love almost anything that was written by Jane Austen. I think she has the most realistic romances and shows the back and forth that really goes on between a man and woman. I have even loved the movies for the most part. In fact, I have even been able to get Anthony to enjoy the newer Pride and Prejudice with me. (He probably won’t admit it, but he does enjoy it. Now, as for the much longer version, I doubt he could attempt that.) He appreciates Mr. Darcy’s character—probably because he is so much like him.

Ever since I can remember, romance was a big deal for me. Even when I was dating, I loved the notes and letters, the long phone calls, and just the anticipation of it all. When I started dating Anthony, I realized that he lacked a little in the romance department, but I totally felt like I could make up for whatever he lacked and that he would learn from my example.  Ladies, let’s get one thing straight before we move on. Anyone who thinks they can change a man is sadly mistaken. No matter what the trait is, you will not be able to change a man. Only God can bring about change. He can use you to bring it about, but you cannot do it yourself.

Once we got married, I realized he just didn’t get it. It didn’t matter how much I led by example, he didn’t really live up to my idea of what romance should be. I had these grand ideas (thanks cheesy romantic movies) of what he would be and how much we would be in love. It was heartbreaking and a little shocking when these grand ideas never panned out.

After awhile I realized I had forgotten about my favorite love story—Pride and Prejudice. Ladies, let’s be real. Women dote on Mr. Darcy like he was some amazing hero in that story. He is so far from that it isn’t funny. Remember, he pretty much insults the girl he’s proposing to! He was always cocky for his own good. He had a sense that he was better than everyone else. He was pretty much the biggest pain in the butt that Elizabeth could imagine. However, it was his good traits that eventually outweighed the bad. He was not a perfect man. In fact, he was pretty far from it. Once he realized his faults though, he became exactly what Elizabeth needed—even when she didn’t realize it.

That’s when I realized that I had everything completely backwards. I had my very own Mr. Darcy and didn’t even realize it. I was expecting him to be something out of one of those cheesy romantic comedies when he was a Jane Austen character. It was at that point that I started to realize that Anthony was romantic in his own way.

It took awhile for me to see it, but I started to notice the little things that he did. He cooks for me because he likes it, but he also knows I hate it. He lets me put my cold feet on him in the middle of the night, even though I know it drives him crazy. He tries very hard to enjoy things that I like, even though some of those things are not his cup of tea at all.

It was in those moments that I realized that I was being selfish. He was romantic in his own way and I was expecting him to be something he was not—something that wasn’t real. While Anthony’s proposal was way more romantic than Mr. Darcy’s first attempt, I was amazed at how I had missed the similarity in those earlier years.

I have to add, he gets better with time. While he is still not the most romantic gift giver (I once received a Drop Stop for our car for Christmas.), he plans pretty great dates. As I watch him grow into his own version of romanticism, I realize that God is doing a work in him just for me. As much as I berated him about how unromantic he was and instructed him on how he could change, it was really my point of view that needed changing. Only God could open my eyes and help me realize that He’s still “working” on him. Good grief! He’s still “working” on me too. He is continually molding him into the man of my dreams—my own Mr. Darcy.

It. Was. Lightning.

The Bible study with the kids tonight was about worry.  It referenced the passage of scripture in Matthew 6 about worrying doing you no good.  Reilly didn't make it all the way through, but he did do a great job singing the first 10 books of the Bible and reciting a couple of his memory verses.

After we were finished with the reading portion, my wife asked T.J. (he's 6) if he worries.  Of course we as parents know everything about him, so we know that he gets scared and worries about certain things.  So after her question, he answers, "No."  "You're kidding, right?" says his mom.  "Well, not really," he says.  My wife points out, "You do too worry about things.  You were scared the other night about the storm."  

His reply...

It. Was. Lightning.

Well, he has a point, doesn't he?  Lightning is cause for concern.  You don't think lighting is reason to worry?  Okay, I don't either, but check this out.  Scary stuff for sure.

In any event, I kind of chuckled, first that he had said he doesn't worry, and second because it was funny how he said "It. Was. Lightning." as if it was stupid to even suggest that one would not worry about lightning.

(Tangent: I can hear Reilly [he's 3] say right now, "You just typed a bad word, Daddy."  My wife always gets in trouble by Reilly for saying stupid.)

Then I realized, we as adults do the exact same thing.  We may see something someone else worries about and think it's silly.  However, when we worry about something, we without hesitation defend the legitimacy of that worry.  We can most certainly rationalize it, and we think others are crazy to not worry about that same thing.

I worry about things, even though I like to say I don't.  I sort of believe that we should tithe 10% of our gross income to the local church; I worry because every month if my family does that we won't have enough money to pay the bills and eat food.  I really want to do something special with my life; I worry that I'm going to go through life being comfortable and too safe with my choices and miss what I'm supposed to do. I really want to lead my family and make good decisions for us; I worry that I won't be the husband and father I'm supposed to be or maybe make a decision that ruins the future of our children (boy #3 is due in May, by the way).

I really could go on.  My worries might seem silly to you.  But you know you've got your own.

I guess it's a process.  As a Christian, I'm quite sure that God knows we won't have the faith to elude worry in every situation.  I think that's why He reminds us so frequently in His Word.  But circumstances don't change who He is.

I grew up playing basketball, and, like Michael Jordan, I always wanted to be taller.  (He wanted to be 7 feet tall. VIDEO)  I never figured how to stretch my frame, but I do know one thing that won't help me to grow taller...

Matthew 6:26-28

New King James Version (NKJV)

26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 
27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin;

The text my wife sent me

My wife sent me this wonderful text message the other day. There was no specific event that took place to prompt it. Or if there was some event it was unbeknownst to me. Whatever the case she sent me this text, and it meant a lot. It didn't take much time for her to compose and send it, but I doubt I am the only husband who appreciates receiving encouragement from his wife. The message from her was sincere and heartfelt and made me smile.

Before I move onto the next part of the story let me suggest to you wives out there that husbands really appreciate your kind and respectful words. Husbands sometimes feel like all their wives do is put them down. Of course I have never felt like that (okay that's a lie). The truth is that we usually deserve it, but consistent kind and respectful words can help a husband learn how to treat his wife.

Okay back to the story (yes unfortunately there is more). After feeling so good about the text my wife sent me, I proceeded to come home after work and demean her right in front of a member of her extended family. It was about something that wasn't even a big deal, but the words I said and the tone with which I said it made her, as she put it, "feel dumb." So after the text she sent me that you read at the top of this post, I came home and made her feel dumb, in front of another adult. Anthony, FTW. Much sarcasm intended.

(By the way, FTW stands for For The Win, as if I was about to hit a game winning shot on the basketball court for example. I wondered for the longest time what that meant, then I googled it. You can find any answer you want on google. Sometimes the answer is even correct.)

So here's the point...

Guys, don't be idiots. We are supposed to love our wives as Christ loves the church. Don't talk down to her or treat her like she's stupid, especially in front of other people.

And ladies, even though you make great effort to encourage your husband and make him feel respected, he is going to do the same thing I did. He's a guy. Give him some grace and say more nice things about him. Eventually he will improve.

The last point is for the dudes. Check out this quote from a book I read a while back and really think about what it means (I'm not going to publish the name of the book here for fear I might lose my man-card, that is if I still have it):

"Some (men) may even go to their graves and never understand that to truly cherish a woman they must die to every scrap of self-interest."