He Wants to Know: Dating Advice

Welcome to another installation of the "He Wants to Know" pieces! This is where a guy (of any age) asks a question and I do my best to answer said question. So far, I have had some pretty interesting and diverse questions to answer. This new topic is something I haven't been as involved with in the last 8 years, so what I will offer will probably seem outdated to some. My newest question is--What dating advice would you give me?

To kick things off, we will start off with some pre-dating advice.

#1: Don't just date for the fun of it. There are a lot of reasons that I offer this advice. The first, and most important, reason is from experience. I just dated for fun for the most part. I rarely took dating seriously, and imagining my future life with those that I chose to go out with was not a top priority. Once you have made the decision to go out on a date with someone, be certain that you have thought through things. By that I mean don't take the decision lightly. Dating without a purpose can also lead to situations in which you (and the person you choose to go out with) are faced with temptations that you wouldn't be otherwise. The key is think, think, think. Date with a purpose. Don't forget to ask for help ("Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6)!

#2: Be picky. Let's be clear. I am not saying make a list of unrealistic qualities/attributes that no one can ever live up to (For instance a dishwater blonde with two different colored eyes, who has a great sense of humor and loves sports--WAIT--she's taken!). What I am saying is sit down and consider what you are looking for in a life partner. This is not an easy task. Consider things such as values, personality traits, goals in life, and much more when creating your list. Notice I said "life partner" and not date. This goes back to dating with a purpose. When you are dating, you are looking for someone you eventually want to settle down with (or that should be the main purpose). Many people think that being picky doesn't lead to finding what you are looking for, but I would like to offer an example. My sister didn't just "date" for the sake of dating. She had not one serious boyfriend from the time she was in middle school until recently. She is now engaged and will be heading down the aisle with her first "real" boyfriend. I think that is such a testament to her faithfulness to dating with a purpose. I hate to admit this, but I often encouraged her to just date just to go out and get some experience. Now I realize how stupid I sounded.

Wow.....so to get back on target, here are some quick tips for dating in today's crazy world.

#1: Start out big! I can hear all the ladies saying, "YES! Take me out to the finest restaurants and to the best concerts! Bring me flowers and chocolates!" Start out with a group activity. It may not be your ideal situation to get to know someone in a personal way, but this is a great ice breaker and a way to help you both figure out if this is something you want to pursue. The group doesn't have to be huge--it can even be a double date. The key is to give you both some warm-up time so you don't have to immediately be "on your game" the first night.

#2: If you have already gotten past the group outings and hanging with the pals, my best advice to you is plan, plan, plan. Spontaneity can be fun, but it can also lead to problems and temptation. It's best to know where things are headed and how your time will be spent. I know many girlfriends and wives who talk about the loss of spontaneity in their lives, but when you are first getting to know one another, girls often feel more secure when there is a plan. As you move further along in the dating process, you can give up some of this planning and allow the other person to help choose or plan the dates.

#3: Be yourself. This is usually the most difficult advice to follow. I don't usually have any problem being myself. In fact, I would say that when I was dating the Straightforward Dad, I was probably too much myself! Let's just say he knew exactly the psychotic person he was committing to before he asked (and if he wasn't sure, my dad sure let him know)! Being yourself is so important. Don't wait until after your engaged to loosen up and let the other person see the real you. If the other person cannot deal with the real you, that means you are wasting your time. If they can't deal with you now, what makes you think they will deal with you later? Guys, this doesn't give you a "Get out of Gas, Belching, Itching, Etc. Free" card. Girls, this doesn't mean you can sit and talk for hours about things that only interest you. What it does mean--LET YOU SHINE! The worst of you will come out along the way, but learning about each other (even the quirks) is all part of the process.

#4: Honesty is the best policy. If you are interested, don't act disinterested to add to the "mystery." Don't wait the "required" amount of days to call. We are so prone to games while on the dating scene (and in marriage as well--I am guilty, I can admit that). It's not worth the effort it takes to play the games, people! It's more fun to actually enjoy the other person!

Overall, the center of any relationship--be it family, friend, romantic, or work--should be Jesus Christ. Being of one mind about Jesus Christ is so very important. There has to be a foundation that is solid. He is that foundation. It doesn't matter if you are dating or if you have been married for 35 years, there will be days where things don't go as planned or go as well as you pray they will. If He is not the foundation, you have nothing to stand on and your relationship is susceptible to the winds and storms of this life. He will not protect you FROM the storms, but he will protect you THROUGH the storms. If you get nothing else from what I mentioned above, walk away with Jesus Christ being the foundation on which you and all your relationships stand. In closing, remember Psalm 119:9--"How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word."

I have so many more things I could add, but I don't want to overwhelm anyone! Keep in mind one thing. I don't recommend dating to anyone who isn't ready to seriously consider who they want as a life partner. I know some parents don't condone dating. Please understand that this was a young man my age who was asking for advice. This is primarily aimed at young adults and not teenagers. I am not going to tell anyone how to raise their children when it comes to dating. Dating is a family decision that I think parents must pray about and plan for before their children ever hit that stage of life. I would love to hear what everyone else suggests! Is there anything you can offer this person? Are there any lessons you learned that you can "share with the class?" Any tips or date ideas you can offer?

SM 101: Don't Sabotage Your Own Happiness

My Straightforward boys enjoying our snow!

Whew! What a time we have had between the last blog and this one! Holy cow did we have a snow! :) It was beautiful, but not one person in good ole GA was ready for what we got! Anyway, back on to the next class!

So, as you know, I have started creating some 101 blogs that are basically mini classes on how to (or how not to) do something. Today is another session in Straightfoward Mom 101. Our class today is on sabotaging your happiness. Do you ever do that? I sure do. It hit me pretty hard last week that I was sabotaging myself in many ways, but in my marriage the most.

Recently, the wonderful Straightforward Dad planned a fun mini date for he and I without the kids. He had taken the initiative and tried his best to be as romantic as possible. Instead of encouraging him throughout the date, I acted nonchalant and, well, to be straightforward, stupid. I did the same thing later on when he asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner one night. I beat around the bush, and of course some communication issues were thrown in, and I found myself with the same nonchalant attitude at dinner.

Last week I was "trapped" in the house with all the boys and I had some time for good reflection on what I had accomplished on my New Year not-to-do list. I read through and was pretty satisfied until the Holy Spirit started speaking to my heart about "not" being the same wife I was last year. Ouch....had I been doing this a lot? I thought back to the more recent times that the Straightforward Dad had tried to do something romantic or fun for me. Yep....there it was. I needed a swift kick in the pants. I couldn't believe that I had reacted so poorly, yet expected him to want to continue to do romantic and nice things for me. Was that the reason he claimed it was so hard to be romantic? I mean, I have been harping on him about this and here I was basically sabotaging him. What kind of wife does that? Not a very nice one, that's for sure. I made up my mind right then and there that I was going to ask, not only God's forgiveness, but my husband's as well. I did that just the other night and it has really opened my eyes concerning my attitude towards, not just him, but even my kids. I realized that I had been sabotaging my happiness in a lot of areas, not just my marriage. My attitude needed an adjustment--and quick. I am in the first days of this "adjustment", but I can already tell a huge difference. (Ask the Straightforward Dad, he'll tell you there is a difference too!)

What about you is causing you to sabotage your own happiness in 2011? Maybe you share my problem and your attitude is your culprit. Could it be that your lack of trust is sabotaging you? Maybe you are still struggling with our last lesson--a lack of confidence? I don't know what issue is plaguing you that causes you to sabotage your own happiness, but resolve to get in check. I realized my attitude was setting up the Straightforward Dad for failure every time. He had no chance when I came into our time together "wearing" that attitude. In doing that, not only was I sucking the joy out of our dating life, I was sabotaging his happiness as well! What's sucking the joy out of what you enjoy? Are you sabotaging someone else too? If you are not happy, find out what's sabotaging you and get rid of it. I can't tell you the tremendous burden that has been lifted since I had this little epiphany. It's completely crazy. I haven't been able to have another date with my husband yet, but I am so excited to give this "new wife" attitude a go on our next outing!

I know what you are thinking..."Just because you were stupid enough to shut down on a husband who was trying to be romantic doesn't mean that I have the same problems or issues." Ok, well great! But, in my few years of life (YEAH RIGHT), I have realized that people always seem to be unhappy about something. Most people will blame someone or something other than themselves. In my case, I blamed the Straightforward Dad for not being romantic or creative enough. How could he ever win when I took that attitude? Are you happy in your job? Maybe your attitude needs to be adjusted in that area so that you stop sabotaging the leader or the witness you could be in that arena. The Bible says:

"Make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset (some might say ATTITUDE) as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant,being made in human likeness. " (Phil. 2:2-7)

We are called to not look at our own interests, but those of others. Reading this verse hits me again by telling me, not only did I have the wrong attitude toward someone who loves me, but I was being SEL--SELF---Ok, I was being SELFISH. (I winced just typing that.) I was being something I am trying to teach my children not to be (Way to go Mom!).

For those of you who might be sabotaging your happiness in other areas, try using this as your motto--

“Work willingly at whatever (this means ANYTHING) you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ." (Col. 3:23-24)

So stop sabotaging yourself this year! Why be unhappy when you don't have to be? Of course you are going to have off days. We are human and still have those issues. If you have the power to call off the saboteurs--WHY NOT?? Have you done it in the past and found ways to deal? Leave me a comment because I can use all the tips I can get. Just because I am the teacher doesn't mean I can't learn! :)

Happy New Year!

Well 1/1/11 is upon us (I loved writing that. Isn't that terribly dorky?). I can't believe that 2010 finally has come to a close and a new fresh start is open to all. I have had epiphanies about two things in the last few days that I wanted to share.

First, I was wrong to be so negative about 2010. No matter how many bad things happened, it was still a good year. I should have looked back and counted my blessings instead of my curses. I do that so often. Maybe not being so pessimistic should have been on my list of resolutions. (Hey, I gotta pick my battles you know.) So many blessing happened. Even though Reilly had issues where we had to spend an extra evening in the hospital, he was born healthy, happy, and has been a great baby. My grandparents did experience a terrible accident that has pretty much changed their lives forever. Yet, they are still here with me when they could have very well been killed. I did give up a career that I desperately love, but now I get to spend time with my beautiful children and do what most moms would give their right arms to do--stay home and raise their kids. The list goes on and on. Yes, bad things happened, but God was there in every situation and looking back, I see His hand at each moment, guiding me toward 1/1/11 (Yes, I did it again!). It's amazing sometimes that I wonder where He is when I feel my heart can't take much more. As you look over your shoulder, you see He was there every step, carrying you when you needed to be carried. He was teaching me a few things along the way. (That's a whole other blog post that I will do this month I am sure.)

Second, why do we often feel we have to wait for something "new"--a new year, a new week, a new day--to feel like we have the opportunity for a fresh start? I look back at several of my Facebook status messages that said, "Can't wait for 2011," and think how stupid was I for posting that? I can have a fresh start anytime I want. I don't need a "new" anything--neither do you! If you have never asked Jesus Christ into your heart, that's the absolute best fresh start you can ever have. Yet, if you are already a believer, it takes a prayer--some quiet time with the Father--to get things back on track. Does this mean that you won't mess up five minutes later and not be right back where you started--on your knees? Absolutely not! What it does mean is that we can have that "new" feeling anytime we want without having to wait 365 days for a refreshing "do over."

So, I am here apologizing for being so straightforwardly wrong in my attitude about the last year. I am glad that I have a new year to look forward to, but I am so very thankful for all the blessings my Savior bestowed upon this girl (who needs a constant "do over") in 2010. I pray that your 2011 will be just as blessed and that you will consider coming back to this blog and getting involved and starting some discussions. I want to hear your thoughts and hearts. I want to get some dialogue going about tough issues and some laughter over your funny mishaps. I want you to feel that this is a place you can come and drop your load for just a few minutes. So Merry 2011 my friends!

A Mom's New Year Resolutions

Well, here we are at the end of another year. For me, this has probably been one of the most difficult years of my life. Many wonderful things have happened, yet many terrible things have happened as well. I know that our lives are made up of ups and downs, but this year has been more downs than ups. Years like this make us look back and appreciate the years we had things so well.

It's always this time of year when I sit down and contemplate what I want to accomplish in the upcoming year. I make a list of a few things (ok, so there are usually more than a few things) that I need to do in the new year. I then proceed to not do them in short order. I don't know what causes me to forget my resolutions before the month of January is even over, but I do it every year. Don't get me wrong, I have done well some years to make it as far as March.

This year, I didn't want to do the same old, same old. I wanted to do something a little different. I decided to make a list of things I wouldn't do in the New Year as opposed to things I would do. I know a lot of people rather look at things the other way around, but I definitely need a new approach. So here goes. . .

1) I will not give up running. I will keep trying even though it's hard, cold, and well, plain painful at times. Currently, I am running about 3 miles. I plan to increase that this year.

2) I will not be the same wife/mother I was last year. I don't think I was a bad one, but I want to do better and find ways to become the person God would have me to be for them.

3) I will not over do it on my schedule. I want to have a less stressful and hectic year. I think I have the ability to pull this one off now that our family has made some adjustments and I look forward to being able to do more for my family and our church by being a proactive planner with a calendar. I think that by actually using a calendar I can keep our events at a minimum.

4) I will not be a Christian in my words alone. I want to have my actions speak for me.

5) I will not take the mountain tops for granted. This is something that I have done for years. Last year taught me that I can no longer do that.

6) I will not allow fear to drive my thoughts, actions, and life. I will ask for God's help.

7) I will not take my family for granted.

8) I will not allow my house get the best of me. For those of you who know me well, you know I am not a neat freak. I have a mess going pretty much 24-7. I then allow myself to become completely overwhelmed by the mess until I cannot function. No more in 2011.

9) I will not allow myself to stay indoors for days at a time. I am going to get out and be more accessible to my friends. I have learned this year that it makes me a better mom and wife to have some "me" time.

And last but not least. . .

10) I will NOT allow other relationships, things, people, events, etc. to interfere with my relationship with my Heavenly Father. In the last few years, I have allowed so much to come between me and Him. I am putting my foot down.

After making my list, I look back and realize I am still making resolutions. However, I am much better about not doing things than I am about having to do something. I hope that my blogs in the future will reflect that I am not doing things well! I would love for each one of you to come and leave a message of encouragement or accountability for me when you think of it. I hope that if you have trouble keeping resolutions, you might try the same tactic.....I'll keep you posted on my progress!

Giving it all You Got!

Have you ever felt like you weren't good enough? Maybe you took on a new job and had to learn new things. Did you feel like you just couldn't keep up? Maybe you are a worn out mom or dad who feels like you just don't have enough energy. Maybe you are sitting in church and want to get involved but just don't feel like you can help. Maybe you are a student with a workload that doesn't seem to get any lighter. Maybe you are a giving everything you have to make something work. Does it feel like you just can't do anything right?

Recently, we hosted The Straightforward Son's 1st Annual Pumpkin Party at our home. I am the Straightforward Mom so I am going to hand it to you with all honesty. My house was a living mess. I am not organized. I am a pack rat. I hate doing dishes (even with a dishwasher). Our laundry has seemed to double since the Straightforward Baby has arrived. Our house isn't completely painted on the outside. My porch has more toys than decorative items. Thanks to fall, leaves are starting to overtake our yard. Toys are overtaking our lives. So, as you can imagine (especially those who are neat freaks or are super organized), I was not prepared for what was about to hit. This party started out as a project for the homeschooling Straightforward Cousin. As many of you know (and thank you so much for all the prayers), he has been in the hospital for about two weeks. All of the planning fell on me.

I struggled for several days to get motivated. I began feeling overwhelmed. I started to feel like I was doing a lot, but doing very few things well. Something in my head (Uh....the Devil, duh) was telling me that I was failure and that I would never get done. He honestly had me believing that people were going to show up and nothing would be there for them.

Something eventually kicked in. I realized that I was having a pity party and that I had to pick myself up by my suspenders (although I really want a pair, I don't have any) and get started. As the preparations started to get underway, I saw how excited the Straightforward Son was about the party. His excitement was contagious. I started to get excited. As we got closer to the start time though, I fell back into my old ways of getting anxious and bossy. I felt it coming and didn't know how to stop it. Luckily, things started to ease up and I was able to finish with the help of some great family. (It is so true that God knows when we have had enough and intervenes.)

Needless to say, the party went off great (except for the impending tornado). I think the kids had a great time and the adults were able to relax and talk. Was my house completely clean? Did I get up on a ladder and finish painting? Were the leaves even touched? Did anyone notice that our red door isn't completely finished? Did my living room stop looking like a nursery? NO. But did everyone have a path to the bathroom? Was there enough food? Did the kids have a super time? YES. I realized, that sometimes, the things that we let creep in and make us feel less than acceptable aren't really what matter anyhow.

The world is so good at making us feel not good enough. Watch TV for just a few minutes. Home shows make you look at your own home and realize how small, messy, and underdecorated (or in my case badly decorated) it is compared to others. Commercials make you realize that you don't have a perfect complexion--even with make-up. Forget about how they make you feel about your body and hair. Even reality TV doesn't make you feel better (when it should). I love Project Runway (I know this shocks some of you who know me at all. The worst dresser ever loves a show about fashion--see, there I go again!). Watching stick thin girls strut their stuff makes me realize how much my body has changed with having children. Then I look at the designers. Most of them are so talented! I will never be able to sew or see colors and patterns the way they do.

I am here to say turn off that TV and look to the Bible. Most people say, "How can I compare to David, Moses, Esther, or even Abraham?" It is true that we may never live up to being called "a man after God's own heart" or "a friend of God." But looking at their lives should make us actually feel better about our own. Examine David's life and you will find one full of victories. However, you will also find one full of trials and failures. Have you ever taken someone's spouse? Have you basically had their spouse killed because you wanted what they had? Consider the life of Abraham. Have you ever passed your husband or wife off as your sibling? Did you do it twice? What about Moses? Have you ever given God excuses as to why you couldn't do something? Have you ever killed a man?

Recently, looking at their lives have given me hope. Issues that I feel are so big seem to pale in comparison to these failures. Don't get me wrong--sin is sin. However, I often sweat over the small things until I blow them into big things. My house isn't clean so I feel it means I am a bad mother. I am still learning my new job--will I ever learn how to be good at this? I still make snarky comments at the Straightforward Dad--how can he deal with me all the time? Guess what? I am not perfect, but I am definitely going to take a tip from the people of the Bible and keep trying. Even they were not able to perfect their lives--but they gave it all they had. I know a pumpkin party seems like a small thing to many people, but I wanted it to be perfect. I gave it all I had. Even though it wasn't perfect, it was pretty darn good. I just need to start tackling the rest of my issues with that much gusto. I hope this encourages you to keep trying and to be like the heroes of the Bible--without the killing.

I am JoyFall!

Wow! For those of you who are able to feel the amazing fall weather right now, how blessed are we? It has been incredible! I have to admit, I love summer, but fall is completely wonderful. Watching God paint the colors of fall in only the way He can is always fun for me and my family.

Fall is not only a time of beauty and great weather, it seems to be the time when the whole Straightforward Family gets sick or "falls" under the weather (a little weather joke for you--sorry). When looking at our family expenses this month, we estimated that we had spent almost $200 in doctor co-pays alone. (This doesn't include all the medication and medical necessities that went along with those co-pays!) Don't get me wrong. If my family is sick, I am the first person who starts to stress and wants to pack the whole clan into the car to get checked. (We all know that if one gets it, the whole clan gets it!) We have insurance and you better believe we are going to use it. We also have the best doctor. I should do a review for him on here, but I don't want to embarrass him with all the wonderful things I would say!

Not only do we get sick and have to put out money for the doctor and medications, we also have to pay for two car tags (one of those car tags happens to be our most expensive). Again, don't get me wrong. I am super grateful for our vehicles. I am especially grateful for our Honda Pilot (I should probably review it as well. I know very little about cars except Mustangs are awesome and cars have dipsticks). It has been a blessing to our family and we have been able to use it to help others as well.

Other expenses tend to show up as we go along throughout the fall for this or that. Added to this money crunch is the pressure of the looming holiday season. (I am a sucker for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am going to admit this, and you better keep it to yourself--I actually enjoy the fact that Christmas stuff is out. I know this irritates most people, but Christmas is just a lot of fun for our family.) This pressure tends to make you worry more and relax less. I realized a few days ago that the financial and health stresses were starting to affect my wonder and enjoyment of all that God was doing this season. I decided to lay it in His hands and enjoy every second of fall. For example, I took the Straightforward Dad on a surprise fall picnic on Friday--no Straightforward Kids allowed. It was just me, him, some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (yeah, I went all out), and some great fall weather. I also spent some time outside with the Straightforward Son. We learned how to run the bases in baseball and how to do a touchdown dance. The Straightforward Baby and I spent time looking at leaves (some of them ended up being partially eaten) and swinging on the front porch swing. At some point, I am not sure when, I forgot about all those stresses that were getting me down. Of course they are still there and won't go away completely. Yet somewhere between picking leaves out of someone's mouth, dancing like a maniac while neighbors were driving by, and holding hands with one of the world's most handsome men, my focus changed. My joy for fall, and life, came rushing back.

I encourage you to get out and enjoy this weather. Use it as a distraction from all the negatives, and make it a way to focus on all the blessings in your life. Go ahead and reclaim your joy. If you are living in a location where fall isn't as evident as it is here, find a way to infuse a little fall into your world. Grab yourself a pumpkin and some other fall treats and make a few new fall traditions. I promise you, your problems will seem to "fall" by the wayside. (Sorry! Had to slip it in there again!)

Dinner for Two

As most of you know, my husband's birthday was Thursday. We called our handy dandy babysitters (Ok, it was the Straightforward Grandparents but they are still handy dandy) and set off for a wonderful and amazing night on the town. We made it to Longhorns, Big Lots, and K-Mart. Yes, for the Straightforward Parents, that's a night without the kids. (However, our date nights usually include a visit to Wal-mart, but we decided to spice things up with two new locations.)

Can I just say that I almost didn't know what to do with myself? I had forgotten what it was like to go to an eating establishment of any kind without forty trips to the restroom, feeding half my food to the Straightforward Baby (yeah, he's eating big people food), trying to keep the Straightforward Son from dancing on the table, or going out to the car to retrieve a blanket, toy, or nippy (that's the pacifier in our household). We just sat there and wondered what we would talk about. Hmmm........Sadly, our conversation even wandered to the lighting in the restaurant. What did we talk about before we had kids? (Single people and married without kids, don't lose me yet! There's something you should know coming up!)

I have read several different items recently that have talked about making special time with your spouse a priority. After that meal, I honestly believe that should be a priority. As a mom, I have felt that my #1 priority should be my children, and that all my time, effort, and devotion should be directed towards them. Earth to the Straightforward Mom--you aren't always right!

Don't get me wrong. Parents should love their children with all their hearts. Yet, we have to remember there is someone else in the mix that got those kids there in the first place! (This ain't called the Straightforward Mom for nothing!) If moms don't make their husbands a priority, there will be no marriage there for the children they so desperately love. It took several articles to open my eyes to this fact.

Recently in "my journey to the point," I have been working very hard to make my husband more of a priority. (His birthday dinner was part of this new effort.) This has not been an easy task. Even though I am self-employed and at home more now than ever before, I feel more busy than when I was working seventy plus hours at my very first job. (The cleanliness of my home does not reflect this, but I assure you that this is the truth.) I have tried to make time for him at the end of each day that is just "us" time. The mouth with which I often get myself in great trouble with has been tamed (ok, I am not all the way there yet, but I am making progress--I say less mean things than before). I am trying to show him that I adore him and that his companionship is important to me. Remember ladies, when our children are grown and out of our homes, that's the person who will be picking us up out of the depths of despair. He will be the one that fills that void and takes up our time. If we don't nurture that relationship with as much (dare I say more?) care as we do our children, what will we have when our children are have moved on to lives of their own?

Pretty soon, I will be reviewing a book I just read on this very topic. I hope that you will come back and check it out....and by the way, I ran 3.2 miles on Saturday. I am contemplating signing up for my first 5K so that I can beat up on myself instead of my knight in shining armor!

The Hard Hitting Game of Life

I attended my first football game in ages last Thursday. We have a very talented young man in our Sunday School class who plays JV football. We had promised him that we would attend one of his games this season. The Straightforward Son was thrilled to attend a sporting event other than basketball or volleyball. (This was his very first football game!)

We drive up to the stadium and haul our little group up the hill to the game. (Who puts the stadium on top of a hill? I mean, seriously!) We pay and head into the bleachers to find our student's parents. The game gets underway and it is apparent from the beginning that this is going to be "one of those games." If you don't know what I mean, let me explain from a coach's point of view. "One of those games" means that absolutely nothing is going to go your way. From the refereeing to the kids tripping over their own shoe laces, everything seems to go against you. No matter how hard the kids play, things just fall to the opposing team. The only thing the team could win was the toss at the beginning of the game--seriously.

Since the game was starting to get away from the team, I started listening to the fans and observing things going on around me. (When I say getting away from them I mean really getting away from them. They didn't get a first down until the 4th quarter.) I really enjoy observing people. As many of you know, I love sports. I really love those where you are allowed some physical contact and elbows (and other body parts) are thrown. Football is right up my alley. I listened to all the comments thrown out by the parents and fans around me. Statements like, "Hit that kid harder!" and "Hit #3 like that this time!" could be heard all around me. My favorite of the evening had a lot to do with shoving some kid's face in the field.

As a mom, I am praying that the Straightforward Kids never step foot on a football field. I am not really worried about them being hurt (although it seems the possibility is higher). I am more concerned that their Straightforward Mom will be brawling in the stands with opposing fans who have declared that their son will "hit my kid harder." As many of you also know, I am not one to mince words. All it will take is one over zealous parent yelling to their son to take mine out, and they will feel the pain of a "mom tackle." I may not be a big girl, but don't they say that dynamite comes in small packages?

Then another epiphany occurred. What I was watching and hearing is so much like our everyday life. We are out there, giving it all we have, and so many are cheering against us. Our number one adversary, Satan, is the number one cheerleader in the roaring chants for us to fall on our butts. He doesn't always sit in the stands and yell for us to fall on our faces. Often, he is on the sidelines, on the bench, and even wearing the pads, staring us in the face on the line. We have other people who often cheer for us to get "hit harder." There are those who would love nothing more than to see certain people on the sidelines after a major hit. You know who they are and if you are one leading the cheers! Ouch, yeah, I just said that. It took me a second to take that in and digest it. Wait, could I really be rooting for someone to get hit like that?

I had to sit back and really examine myself. Had I been cheering for someone to fail? Honestly, I had to answer yes--and more than I would like to admit! Double ouch! I don't think it is always a conscious effort (although sometimes I admit it is), but the words we say and actions we perform prove this fact. It made me realize that I needed to be more aware of myself--especially the things that I say. (Yeah, I know.....this will be a feat!)

This post was more about me than anyone else. As my pastor says, I am preaching to myself too! God doesn't just give us messages for others. We need to pull the ginormous planks out of our own eyes first. I hope this helps someone else be a true encourager. I have been trying to be more of one recently and this hit me like, well, let's just say a pride of lions (inside joke since we were watching the lions play--yeah, dorky I know).

Taking on the Gorge (and bedtime)!

Today was one of those great days that had so many "moments" you just aren't sure what to write about! Today was my first homeschool field trip. My homeschool student (the Straightforward Cousin), Straightforward Son, Straightforward Baby, and I picked up the trail at Tallulah Gorge State Park. For all those who want to go ahead and commend my bravery to take two small children and a teenager to such a dangerous place without losing one, may do so in the comment section below!

We first walked through the beautiful Jane Hurt Yarn Interpretive Center. It doesn't have as much information and as many displays as I would like to see, but it did the job for what we needed today. The SC had his list of questions I had created and he made his way through the center. We sat down for the 15 minute movie they show downstairs (waiting for the SB to lose his mind or SS to start jumping the benches--neither happened). We made it through with little to no interruptions and headed back up to the Ranger desk. I walk up and ask for a map. Keep in mind how we all look. I am carrying SB in a sling, SS is tearing through the store like a man on a mission, and SC is trying to act like he is somewhat interested in what I am talking about while keeping a sharp eye on the crazy kid. She looks me up and down and gives me the run down of what we are in for. She wasn't rude by any means, but you could tell she thought I was nuts. I was ok with that because I felt like I might be heading down that trail (haha-hiking humor).

We all ended up with roles as we started out. SS was the navigator. He had the map and was telling us which "streets" we needed to take. SC was in charge of gear/necessities (backpack with all the goodies). And I, the trusty SM, was dutifully carrying SB in his happy little sling. By the way, he LOVES that thing. He is snug and happy no matter what the weather or circumstances. If you don't own one, you should. Our Straightforward Family recently hiked 1.6 miles up Mt. Pisgah and 1.6 miles back down and he was either sleeping or being observant the whole time! The breakdown came when we took him out.

We headed to "Inspiration Point," the newest overlook. If you haven't checked out that point on the trail, you need to! It has an overview of the gorge that is absolutely breathtaking. We made our way back down and headed towards the stairs. Yes, we took the stairs. As a mom, that was one of the most frightening things I have ever done. Letting my little boy (who was NOT going to hold my hand unless forced) walk down those steps on his own about made me pass out. Watching SC, a child who is not mine, do the same thing was also giving me chest pains (no the sling was not too tight). It hit me.....my little boy is growing up and I won't always be there to hold his hand. (I couldn't imagine what was running through the mind of the SC's mom!) I won't always be there to make sure he doesn't trip and bust his face. Or worse, I won't be there to keep him from going over the cliff. While I am having this epiphany, he reaches up to take my hand and says, "Mommy, carry me!" I almost cried because I knew I couldn't. Boy, will this parenting thing get any easier?

We made it to the suspension bridge and pondered going all the way down. The SM in me said, "You are nuts if you walk down any further." I listened to her (because she said so) and we made our way back up. We saw some amazing sites and met some amazing people along the long, hard trip up the stairs. (Wow, what a life lesson that I could take from that!) One very kind gentleman even asked if I needed him to carry SS on his shoulders. I knew my big SS could do it. So we declined and SS persevered.

As I am writing this, SS is asleep on my shoulder. (HE IS WORN OUT!!!) He conquered the gorge. He came home and completed his bedtime routine on his own without any encouragement from the Straightforward Parents. He gave me all the love he could possibly give and passed out on my arm (yes, that's why some words may not be spelled correctly). What if we gave all we had, like he did, to what we are called to do? I had a very difficult time giving up my classroom a few weeks ago. But I realized, I have a different calling right now. I need to give it every ounce of my energy. I need to take on the challenge, give it all I have, and pass out on Straightforward Dad's shoulder at the end of the day!

Review: Chattahoochee Mountain Fair and Family Memories

Well, here it is. The first moment of truth. We took the boys to the fair tonight. Or should I say, the fair took us--for whatever cash we had in our pockets! I explained to Straightforward Dad (my wonderful husband) that we had to take the boys to the fair because it was another one of those memories that I had that I want to pound into their memories--typical mom behavior I like to think. We decide to go before it gets dark and arrive to find that the entrance fees aren't so bad! The fees are $5.00 per adult and kids 5 and under are free. I am thinking...."Alright! Maybe we will still make it out of here without spending our life savings." So we skip all the booths, and the girl singing in the pavilion area, and head straight for the rides because Straightforward Son (our 3 year old) is about to pee his pants to get to all the blinking lights and sounds. (Like a moth to a flame.....) I am first in utter shock that the rides cover about 1/3 of the area they used to cover when I came consistently to the fair. There's hardly anything there anymore. We look over the ride costs--3 tickets, 2 tickets, 4 tickets. Ok, I am thinking probably a dollar or so per ride, right? WRONG....oh, so wrong. ONE TICKET = ONE DOLLAR. Yeah, you read that right. We basically could go to Six Flags and have a much better experience than the fair. So, I ever so carefully squeezed the cash out of my tightwad hand and gave it to the lady with WAY too much eye shadow who looked at me like I was stupid because I handed her too much money. (I am sure my day was way more stressful than hers. She was actively doing a crossword puzzle. What I would give for five minutes of crossword puzzle time at a fair!!) Straightforward Son was able to ride about 5 rides. I rode two with him and Straightforward Dad rode one. (He--SD--gets nervous on fair rides. The loose bolts and people welding on site to keep things from falling down--seriously we saw that--add that needed danger to my day.) So that's a total of 8 rides on something. Yeah, we really got our ride on. After a few rides, he begs to play a game. We say, ok, because we have some tickets left. I stay back with the Straightforward Baby (our 5 month old) as Straightforward Dad talks with the attendant. We had four tickets left and he tells me we need five tickets. Well, I just go and get $5.00 worth so he can possibly ride one more ride with the left over tickets. She then explains that she doesn't take tickets, only cash. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? It costs $5.00 to play this game with a barely inflated tube, a couple of soccer balls, a baseball and a football? KILL ME NOW! Straightforward Son was already kicking the balls around so we went with it. (Please understand this was his first--and most likely his last--trip to the fair.) He won a stuffed animal that had a price tag of a $1.99 on it (literally) and the sharpest piece of metal stuck in his back to hang him on the fence I have ever seen (literally--she didn't bother to take that out as she saw him hugging it for a quick photo). He was happy as a boy with a stuffed, overpriced turtle could be. Straightforward Dad and I had to laugh....it was just one of those moments. Straightforward Baby was pretty cheap. He just enjoyed the lights and sounds he saw from the stroller.

The best part of the whole entire night was the petting zoo area. They were from Hartwell and had a great little variety of animals that we had to visit when we arrived and before we left. Straightforward Son enjoyed the monkey while I cooed over the little kangaroo. Then the monkey grabbed the kangaroo's hands through the fence and started crushing him against the fence (they were in separate cages). It was strange, and needless to say, Straightforward Son and I moved on. But, overall he loved the llama, camels, tortoises, and all the other animals they had on display.

So, maybe my memories aren't the one's my boys should have! I admit it. I tend to go overboard trying to make sure they get to love everything I loved and do what I did. Don't get me wrong. I did some great things and had a lot of fun growing up (thanks to an amazing family). However, there are some things they should remember that are bigger than fairs, shows, monkeys, and big slides. I want my boys to remember how much their family loved God--and them. I want them to remember Straightforward Mom and Dad sneaking kisses and hugs at lunch time. I want them to remember how excited we were to go to church on Sunday. Does this Straightforward Family always do those things? I wish.....however, this blog post makes me want to do them more. It makes me want to try harder to make memories that don't involve everything I love, but making ones that they will cherish. I want them to have memories that have eternal value. And I thought doing this wouldn't teach me anything! :)