Busy, Busy, Busy......Taking time to breathe....

I know you devoted followers out there have been wondering why in the world I have not been posting lately! Well, that's a good question. I have a good answer--I have been busy! As if being a mother of two fiesty little boys wasn't enough, I have added teacher, photographer, part-time worker, maid, and much more back on to the list recently. Don't get me wrong! I am not complaining in the least. I am just explaining my absence.

I decided in the quiet moments of this late evening to take the time to encourage all you people out in the virtual world to take some time to breathe. I have not done that in the last few weeks. I have rushed, rushed, rushed through every activity, phone call, work activity, Bible study, etc. To make it worse, I feel like I even rushed through our annual camping trip last weekend! I am going to do my best to chill out the next few days and focus on the must do's (feeding my kids, our animals, and dealing with the necessities of life) and do a few of the I want to do's. I am going to blog some, read some, run some and more. I don't care what it takes....I am not going to rush the next few days. I encourage you to do the same!

Before you know it...you'll be rushing to your grave....and Lord knows I don't want to do that!

He Wants to Know: Dating Advice

Welcome to another installation of the "He Wants to Know" pieces! This is where a guy (of any age) asks a question and I do my best to answer said question. So far, I have had some pretty interesting and diverse questions to answer. This new topic is something I haven't been as involved with in the last 8 years, so what I will offer will probably seem outdated to some. My newest question is--What dating advice would you give me?

To kick things off, we will start off with some pre-dating advice.

#1: Don't just date for the fun of it. There are a lot of reasons that I offer this advice. The first, and most important, reason is from experience. I just dated for fun for the most part. I rarely took dating seriously, and imagining my future life with those that I chose to go out with was not a top priority. Once you have made the decision to go out on a date with someone, be certain that you have thought through things. By that I mean don't take the decision lightly. Dating without a purpose can also lead to situations in which you (and the person you choose to go out with) are faced with temptations that you wouldn't be otherwise. The key is think, think, think. Date with a purpose. Don't forget to ask for help ("Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6)!

#2: Be picky. Let's be clear. I am not saying make a list of unrealistic qualities/attributes that no one can ever live up to (For instance a dishwater blonde with two different colored eyes, who has a great sense of humor and loves sports--WAIT--she's taken!). What I am saying is sit down and consider what you are looking for in a life partner. This is not an easy task. Consider things such as values, personality traits, goals in life, and much more when creating your list. Notice I said "life partner" and not date. This goes back to dating with a purpose. When you are dating, you are looking for someone you eventually want to settle down with (or that should be the main purpose). Many people think that being picky doesn't lead to finding what you are looking for, but I would like to offer an example. My sister didn't just "date" for the sake of dating. She had not one serious boyfriend from the time she was in middle school until recently. She is now engaged and will be heading down the aisle with her first "real" boyfriend. I think that is such a testament to her faithfulness to dating with a purpose. I hate to admit this, but I often encouraged her to just date just to go out and get some experience. Now I realize how stupid I sounded.

Wow.....so to get back on target, here are some quick tips for dating in today's crazy world.

#1: Start out big! I can hear all the ladies saying, "YES! Take me out to the finest restaurants and to the best concerts! Bring me flowers and chocolates!" Start out with a group activity. It may not be your ideal situation to get to know someone in a personal way, but this is a great ice breaker and a way to help you both figure out if this is something you want to pursue. The group doesn't have to be huge--it can even be a double date. The key is to give you both some warm-up time so you don't have to immediately be "on your game" the first night.

#2: If you have already gotten past the group outings and hanging with the pals, my best advice to you is plan, plan, plan. Spontaneity can be fun, but it can also lead to problems and temptation. It's best to know where things are headed and how your time will be spent. I know many girlfriends and wives who talk about the loss of spontaneity in their lives, but when you are first getting to know one another, girls often feel more secure when there is a plan. As you move further along in the dating process, you can give up some of this planning and allow the other person to help choose or plan the dates.

#3: Be yourself. This is usually the most difficult advice to follow. I don't usually have any problem being myself. In fact, I would say that when I was dating the Straightforward Dad, I was probably too much myself! Let's just say he knew exactly the psychotic person he was committing to before he asked (and if he wasn't sure, my dad sure let him know)! Being yourself is so important. Don't wait until after your engaged to loosen up and let the other person see the real you. If the other person cannot deal with the real you, that means you are wasting your time. If they can't deal with you now, what makes you think they will deal with you later? Guys, this doesn't give you a "Get out of Gas, Belching, Itching, Etc. Free" card. Girls, this doesn't mean you can sit and talk for hours about things that only interest you. What it does mean--LET YOU SHINE! The worst of you will come out along the way, but learning about each other (even the quirks) is all part of the process.

#4: Honesty is the best policy. If you are interested, don't act disinterested to add to the "mystery." Don't wait the "required" amount of days to call. We are so prone to games while on the dating scene (and in marriage as well--I am guilty, I can admit that). It's not worth the effort it takes to play the games, people! It's more fun to actually enjoy the other person!

Overall, the center of any relationship--be it family, friend, romantic, or work--should be Jesus Christ. Being of one mind about Jesus Christ is so very important. There has to be a foundation that is solid. He is that foundation. It doesn't matter if you are dating or if you have been married for 35 years, there will be days where things don't go as planned or go as well as you pray they will. If He is not the foundation, you have nothing to stand on and your relationship is susceptible to the winds and storms of this life. He will not protect you FROM the storms, but he will protect you THROUGH the storms. If you get nothing else from what I mentioned above, walk away with Jesus Christ being the foundation on which you and all your relationships stand. In closing, remember Psalm 119:9--"How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word."

I have so many more things I could add, but I don't want to overwhelm anyone! Keep in mind one thing. I don't recommend dating to anyone who isn't ready to seriously consider who they want as a life partner. I know some parents don't condone dating. Please understand that this was a young man my age who was asking for advice. This is primarily aimed at young adults and not teenagers. I am not going to tell anyone how to raise their children when it comes to dating. Dating is a family decision that I think parents must pray about and plan for before their children ever hit that stage of life. I would love to hear what everyone else suggests! Is there anything you can offer this person? Are there any lessons you learned that you can "share with the class?" Any tips or date ideas you can offer?

A Mom's New Year Resolutions

Well, here we are at the end of another year. For me, this has probably been one of the most difficult years of my life. Many wonderful things have happened, yet many terrible things have happened as well. I know that our lives are made up of ups and downs, but this year has been more downs than ups. Years like this make us look back and appreciate the years we had things so well.

It's always this time of year when I sit down and contemplate what I want to accomplish in the upcoming year. I make a list of a few things (ok, so there are usually more than a few things) that I need to do in the new year. I then proceed to not do them in short order. I don't know what causes me to forget my resolutions before the month of January is even over, but I do it every year. Don't get me wrong, I have done well some years to make it as far as March.

This year, I didn't want to do the same old, same old. I wanted to do something a little different. I decided to make a list of things I wouldn't do in the New Year as opposed to things I would do. I know a lot of people rather look at things the other way around, but I definitely need a new approach. So here goes. . .

1) I will not give up running. I will keep trying even though it's hard, cold, and well, plain painful at times. Currently, I am running about 3 miles. I plan to increase that this year.

2) I will not be the same wife/mother I was last year. I don't think I was a bad one, but I want to do better and find ways to become the person God would have me to be for them.

3) I will not over do it on my schedule. I want to have a less stressful and hectic year. I think I have the ability to pull this one off now that our family has made some adjustments and I look forward to being able to do more for my family and our church by being a proactive planner with a calendar. I think that by actually using a calendar I can keep our events at a minimum.

4) I will not be a Christian in my words alone. I want to have my actions speak for me.

5) I will not take the mountain tops for granted. This is something that I have done for years. Last year taught me that I can no longer do that.

6) I will not allow fear to drive my thoughts, actions, and life. I will ask for God's help.

7) I will not take my family for granted.

8) I will not allow my house get the best of me. For those of you who know me well, you know I am not a neat freak. I have a mess going pretty much 24-7. I then allow myself to become completely overwhelmed by the mess until I cannot function. No more in 2011.

9) I will not allow myself to stay indoors for days at a time. I am going to get out and be more accessible to my friends. I have learned this year that it makes me a better mom and wife to have some "me" time.

And last but not least. . .

10) I will NOT allow other relationships, things, people, events, etc. to interfere with my relationship with my Heavenly Father. In the last few years, I have allowed so much to come between me and Him. I am putting my foot down.

After making my list, I look back and realize I am still making resolutions. However, I am much better about not doing things than I am about having to do something. I hope that my blogs in the future will reflect that I am not doing things well! I would love for each one of you to come and leave a message of encouragement or accountability for me when you think of it. I hope that if you have trouble keeping resolutions, you might try the same tactic.....I'll keep you posted on my progress!

Thanksgiving Reminders

As we approach the Thanksgiving season, I always begin thinking about those things for which I am grateful. We started a tradition a few years ago at our family Thanksgiving table where we go around and everyone shares what they are most thankful for from the past year. (I have to get a head start or I will draw a blank around people who always know the best things to say.) It's such a blessing to hear my family share such personal feelings.

If you ask around today, most people go for the typical things for which everyone should be grateful. Family, possessions and health all top the list in the minds of most people. These are all important things for which we should be grateful. However, there are a few things that I would like to remind you not to forget this year.

If you are a child of God, be grateful for your salvation. How can we not be? We were bought for a price. I think I can appreciate this even more now that I have sons. God gave his only Son for me. I can't imagine anyone for whom I would give my sons. My gratefulness and appreciation for this gift has increased since I can now relate more as a parent myself.

Don't forget to be thankful for forgiveness. Not only does our Father forgive us, ("As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:12) but we are able to forgive and be forgiven in this world. I have a new appreciation for forgiveness. There are things in the past that I have held over the heads of others that I have recently been able to let go of with the help of God. (Believe me, I could NOT do it on my own.) That feeling is worth being thankful for!

Be thankful for your church. No church is perfect. Spurgeon once said, "The day we find the perfect church, it becomes imperfect the moment we join it." How true is that statement? Be thankful for those who love, support, and lift you up in prayer in your body of fellowship. I have been so strengthened and encouraged by our church recently. They support my family and my children are learning so much from being there. I appreciate those who attend the Sunday School class the Straightforward Dad and I teach (well, he's been doing a lot more alone since the entrance of the Straightforward Baby). They are special to us. I also want to thank our children's department of our church for offering the Straightforward Son the opportunity to be in his first Christmas program. He's going to be "Angel #1," Joseph and sing a part of a song by himself. He is so excited about this program.

There are so many other things that are often left of the list, but I really wanted to focus on these three because they have been so prominent in my life this year. Leave me a comment on other things that are important to you that you feel are often forgotten!

What are my Options?

I had an awesome opportunity to see a former player of mine suited up in her college athletic uniform tonight. You have a moment of pride when you see a child that you mentored do something beyond high school. I can't help it.....it makes me smile.

We showed up in Straightforward Family fashion (at the last moment--we live in SF time). Straightforward Son entertained the crowd with his dance moves whenever music blared over the speakers (Straightforward Dad and I are facing the fact that it is quite possible that we may have a dancer on our hands). While watching the game, I was able to talk to some friends about options for our children. Frankly, when it comes to education, there's not much out there anymore. I was brought up as a "Christian school kid." I never stepped foot in a public school for an extended period of time until my student teaching. That one experience opened my eyes to just what I had been missing--not much. My parents sacrificed each and every year to make sure my sister and I were able to learn in a safe, Christian environment. I don't think I could thank them enough for loving me enough to go without so I could be there.

Unfortunately, Christian education is not as valued as it has been in the past. Due to financial issues, many Christian schools are having to close their doors or condense their programs in order to stay alive. Right now, Straightforward Son is at a Christian preschool (I am very thankful for them and they are doing great things with him). Currently, they service students from babies through K-5. That gives me a cushion of a few years to figure out what to do with my son. However, after talking with my friends this evening, I realized that I need to start thinking about it now. I am blessed that I don't have to make a quick decision. Raising high school students, they are not so lucky. What are my options?

For those of you who don't know, I am homeschooling one student this year. In the past, I have not been a big fan of homeschooling. However, over the last few years, my family has been in close contact with several homeschool families. Each of these families have provided me with an insight into an option that I had never considered before. Since I have started homeschooling the Straightforward Cousin, my opinions have changed. Does this mean I would be able to do it for my own children? To be straightforward and honest, probably not. BUT, that doesn't mean I wouldn't do it. With less options each year, I have to be prepared for anything. I am thankful for this opportunity to homeschool and to "dip my toes" in the deep end.

My heart is saddened by the fact that Christian schools are fading and no one seems to care. I see churches supporting public schools with advertisements and other types of endorsements. Yet, they don't reach out to the schools that teach about our Lord and Savior. Of all the people in the world who should support this type of teaching, it should be our churches.

I know this post will not be popular with a number of people. Well, I don't call myself the Straightforward Mom for nothing! I have to share my thoughts and feelings because I care about people. I care about children--especially my own. Being able to see two of my "Christian school kids" (one playing college volleyball at Brenau and one studying at UGA) was such a blessing. It gave me hope for the future and reminded me that Christian education is important.

Seeing their lights shine for Christ made me smile again. I was proud to have a small hand in helping fan that light.