That's not a lie. That's love.

I always have to explain to the kids that a lie is a lie no matter how big or small. Even a lie to make someone feel better or to keep from hurting someone is still, at its root, a lie. My mommy senses start to tingle whenever Anthony starts a "good lie." Come on ladies, you know what I'm talking about. "No, those pants don't make your butt look fat." Or my personal favorite, "You are the most beautiful woman in the world." It makes me flinch. I know that he's trying to be sweet or kind, but at the root of the compliment, there is a lie. Of course those pants make my butt look fat. That's why I wear a shirt to cover it. There's no way I am the most beautiful woman in the world when there are ladies walking around that actually call themselves angels (Victoria Secret models for those that don't understand). However, for example, if you add the words "to me" at the end of or at the beginning of either one of those statements, that doesn't make it a lie. So you are saying that to you have never seen a woman more beautiful? Yeah, that's right. Key word is that you said "seen." Is beauty only skin deep to you?

To me, lying is lying. If I want my kids to not lie, then I have to model that in front of them right? Just this evening, we were discussing this blog topic when I explained to Anthony that I didn't really lie much. TJ was quick to remind me that I do--I lie to Jase when his tablet is still charged and I tell him it's dead. I lie to Jase when I tell him I can't find his "Jase's Daddy's phone." Even lying to save one's sanity is, in fact, lying. If Jase's tablet is still alive, I just need to tell him that it's not time for his tablet. I agree with that. Sometimes it feels like it's not worth it to be a good parent though, especially when you don't feel like you have the energy. The truth is, he's going to scream and be mad either way. 

I guess my point is, our relationships are not supposed to be built on lies; they are supposed to be built on truths. "You are very pretty," would be an okay statement as I am at least very pretty to Anthony or he wouldn't have married me. Well, at least I wasn't butt ugly. There's a truth. But you will just say, "Yeah right." To me, it takes effort to say a truth. You have to be willing to think about what you say and mean it. The truth can also be painful and not something we want to hear. I still believe that the truth will set you free. This is like an actual conversation for us. I don't know what to add because what you are saying is so wise. See.....lying is just unbecoming. 

I agree with Brad Paisley, or whoever wrote the song that he sings. "That's not a lie; that's love." Do you really want to take your marriage advice from a Brad Paisley song?  He also wrote "I'm Gonna Miss Her." But he also sang, and this is the way I feel about you, "She's Everything to Me," and "The World." And that's the truth. Your love for Brad Paisley is apparently the truth. (Giggles like a little girl who just saw her crush walk by in the hallway.) 

Back to the point--a lie is a lie. The truth is too hard. The truth makes us feel vulnerable and not good enough. What about that time on a Sunday morning when you tried on a new LuLaRoe dress for the first time and I said, "That makes you look wider than you are?" Well I knew the truth. I wasn't going to wear it without a belt or cinched in some way. So that was just stupid. Then why did you go upstairs and change and make me feel like I ruined your whole life? Honest truth? Because I never got to explain what I was going to do and how I was going to wear it. You just threw your two cents out there. Wait, didn't you ask me how it looked? No. You, as usual, are not remembering this conversation accurately. Either way, I want to know if I look stupid before I go out the door. The last thing I need is to look like a psycho mom of boys when I enter any place where there are other adults. Oh well, I guess that happens anyhow. #lie.

So the truth is too hard--as you can tell from the above. My point is, instead of lying to your spouse, how about tell them the truth. Also, don't wait to tell them they look fat AFTER they have already purchased the LuLaRoe dress that they like. How is that even possible if you haven't tried it on before you bought it? The world is already full of liars and flattering tongues so it would be nice for a little (or a lot) of honesty from the one person with whom you are trusting your heart. What if I suggested a restaurant that you didn't want to go to, but you knew I really did and you said that you wanted that as well? Let's get real here for a second. Has there ever been a time in our marriage when you didn't know where I didn't want to eat? You basically can tell when I don't want to do something. That's what you tell me all the time anyway. When did this become we were talking to each other because you have a lot of personal pronouns in there? Hey, you asked a question. If you can't deal with the truth, don't ask. I still think mine was a great example of when it's okay to lie. Take it or leave it. I'll leave it because you still shouldn't have to lie. Alright, is it about time to wrap it up? See, some people like to run from the truth when things get too real. I really don't like that I am letting you type this one. I appreciate your honesty. 

Let's make a challenge for all our readers this week.  Of course we will do it with you! All I am asking is for you to be more truthful with those in your household. Don't think of easy ways out. Speak truth into their lives--even if it's hard. Truth takes courage and thinking before you speak. I am game. I don't think you can handle the truth though. I am pretty sure I can put my big girl panties on for this one. I am just glad you say you like the food I cook. Ohhhh.....maybe truthfully I love that you cook the food.