Marriage is a call to die

Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her." Do you know what the Scriptures tell us Christ did for the church? Well, it says it right there in the latter part of verse 25. He gave Himself for her. He gave his life. He died for her. I was reading Disciplines of a Godly Man a couple of years ago, and this quote stood out to me.

"Marriage is a call to die, and a man who does not die for his wife does not come close to the love to which he is called. Christian marriage vows are the inception of a lifelong practice of death, of giving over not only all you have, but all you are."

First of all, I highly recommend this book for all you fellas out there, and I have the hardback if anyone wants to borrow it. But you only get to borrow it if you want to be challenged with stuff like this. I mean, are you serious right here? When I got married, the challenge wasn't something like, don't forget to take out the trash occasionally. It wasn't tell your wife you love her sometimes. It wasn't let your wife control the remote every once in a while. It wasn't a command to put the toilet seat down or to clean your hair out of the bathtub or shower drain. Nope. None of that. It was...die. "Marriage is a call to die." Sounds pretty appealing, doesn't it? 

This is God's expectation, He could have picked any other example or analogy for how we should live our lives in relation to our wives, but the one He used is how God-in-the-flesh gave his life. He gave everything that he had and everything that He was for the church, the bride if Christ. How does a husband do that for his wife? I'm not sure I have the answer to that. Maybe if you read the book I recommended it will make some sense. What I know is that you have to think of her first. 

It's not something I've been great at over the years. I've always thought of me first, I think, and especially the first years of our marriage. I would make big deals out of silly stuff like getting to watch the college basketball game on TV. I was selfish in ways I'm not even going to talk about here. Sacrifice is not an easy thing. 

Let's take this one step further. Kids add another layer. I've talked about how much I enjoy doing radio for the basketball game. I was talking to a friend of mine about it the other day (it was good to see you Caleb!), and he said, "You really love it, don't you?" I told him I really enjoyed it for a number of reasons and that I'm passionate about it, and about doing it well. He's like me. If we're going to do something we're going to try to be the best. So, with that thought in mind, check this out...

You know what that is? That is my pride being crushed. That is dying. That is a schedule card that shows the games I will be on the radio. I thought my kids would be proud. That schedule card is on the kitchen floor to be trampled on, along with my heart and soul. I'm dead. (I should say that my wife and boys have been to many of the games I've been on radio and have listened in sometimes. And my boys have even joined me a couple of times, so they do support it.)

I'm being real here. It probably sounds silly, but it hurt a little, or a lot, for about 30 seconds. Then I remembered that it is not about me. This household that I am supposed to be leading has elements that are much more important than me. I can't focus on myself when those others need the attention, and support, and care. They need me to give my life. 

I want to reiterate, this is not something I'm good at. I have prayed countless times (Well, maybe it can be counted. Let's go with 387 times.) that God would show me that day, and every day what it means to die for my wife (and kids). What does that mean? It means my wife is more important than me. It means that her needs and wants and desires should come first. It means that she needs me to sacrifice for her. Marriage is a call to die.

Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Philippians 3:12