“You sure do have your hands full!” I usually hear it once a
day at least. “Boy, I bet you’re ready for a girl.” Um……..okay. “Going for
number four to get a girl right?” It’s usually at this point that my eyes start
to roll, I smile and walk away.
Every place I go, whether I have two of the boys or all
three, someone makes a comment. I would wager that 95% of the time it is
something about having my hands full or about my prospects for a future
daughter. Only about 5% of the time is it someone stopping to tell me how great
being a boy mom is or how well behaved my boys are at the moment.
Let’s get one thing straight right from the start. I have no
secret yearning for a daughter. My mom can tell you, I wasn’t the typical girl
growing up. I was a tomboy from probably day one. In our house we had a mix of
My Little Ponies that were ridden by G.I. Joes (For anyone who has tried this,
you can back me up on how hard of a task it is to get those legs on those
horses. They were not meant for riding!). My sister and I had a love of
Silverhawks and Voltron. Instead of a Barbie house, we had a Thundercat Castle.
It’s just the way we were. Oh, my poor mom tried to help us embrace our more
feminine side by throwing on the big frilly dresses and forcing us to wear
jewelry here and there, but we always came out on the other side just as
tomboyish as ever.
Fast forward about twenty years later to my first child. I
wanted a boy. I wanted one so bad it hurt. When I found out TJ was on his way,
I couldn’t have been happier. A few years later, I was pumped to find out
Reilly was coming. As we approached the arrival of Jase, I got incredibly
nervous. What if this was a girl? What would I do with her? I don’t brush my
own hair all of the time so what was I going to do with a daughter? All those
adorable boy clothes and shoes were going to be wasted. My pregnancy was very
different from the other two and Anthony just knew we were having a girl. We
found out due to some complications that Jase was a boy fairly early. I was
relieved. I was still queen of this castle baby!
I know some moms dream about having a daughter—and that’s
awesome! I have an awesome niece that I dote on any chance I get. She’s as close
as I ever want to be to having a girl. Now, had the Lord blessed us with a
girl, I know I would have learned to deal with my fears. However, I think the
Lord knew exactly what he was doing when he sent TJ, Reilly, and Jase to us. I
am just a boy mom and I am okay with that. It’s my comfort zone. It’s my happy
place.
So it makes it really irritating when I go out in public and
people make these little backhanded comments. Sure, no one means them in a
hateful or mean way (I hope), but they are a little insulting in my opinion. I
have always felt like it’s the Devil’s way of getting me to question my
contentment with what God has given me. “Are you sure you have never wanted a
girl? I mean, look at your boys! That one is climbing onto the shelves of dog
food like a monkey! And that one, he is telling that man that he looks super
old! And the littlest one is taking his pants off in the buggy when he knows he
has pooped and smells like the back end of a warthog. Don’t you wish God had
just slipped one little girl in there to bring some calmness to the chaos?” Nah…..I
am good.
I always find it funny when I am in a store and I pass by
people talking to moms with just girls. You hear comments like, “Oh, she is
just so pretty!” Or my favorite, “Look how she’s just sitting there so nicely
being all shy.” (This is my favorite mainly because my kids are hanging off the
sides of the buggy like crazy lunatics—not so nicely I guess.) Never once have
I passed one of these situations where the person was saying, “Wow! Don’t you
wish you had a little boy to spice up your world?” I have to admit, I have
thought about it a time or two, just to see what kind of response I would get.
I have not done it though because of how much I hate that comment.
Even my grandmother (whom I love dearly and have a great
relationship with) commented, “You don’t at all wish you had a little girl? Don’t
you have that desire to have one?” I know she didn’t mean to sound like I was a
crazy person for wanting this life, but her tone was so…….shocked. I politely
told her no and went into detail about why I am a much better mother to boys
than I would ever be to a girl. As much as I love my niece Jo Jo, I know that
Jessica is a great girl mom. She’s better built for that life.
I love going into a grocery store (or any store really) and
passing another boy mom. You kind of nod your head at each other knowing
without a word—respect to you my friend. I saw a shirt once that said, “Boymom—It’s
not a description, it’s an experience.” That’s the honest to goodness truth. It’s
something that you can only understand by living it. I am sure that being a
girl mom is the same way.
Here’s my suggestion to you. The next time you see a person
with all the same sex kids, please don’t ask the question about wanting a
different life. Assume that they love everything about their awesome little
existence and instead say something encouraging. Try, “You are doing a
fantastic job and I know you couldn’t wish for better blessings.” You can even
say, “Way to go! You must work really hard to raise such great kids (even if
those kids aren’t being so great at the moment and are punching each other into
next year).” Instead of asking someone to question their contentment, encourage
them to focus on the blessing. You might just get a big smile and high five. Or
in our case, several high fives that might be a little sticky.
