I'm guessing you have caught my theme above. It is Christmas, but sometimes it feels like anything but the most wonderful time of the year. Currently, I am in what I like to call Holiday Survival Mode. To be quite honest, it usually starts around the middle of September for me. My work schedule triples in size and I don't see a whole lot of my family from that point until the end of December. Our kids start basketball and we are gone almost every night of the week for a practice or a game. As the end of the year approaches are schedule gets even more crazy as we add in Christmas play practices, Christmas parties, tournaments, outings with friends....the list goes on and on. It's just like my car. Around September 29th, my own personal "Check Engine" light starts flashing. Then in October, it stops flashing and is on permanently until after January 1st. Hence, I am in the midst of Holiday Survival Mode.
What is this mode I speak of? It's almost like functioning on automatic.....cruise control if you will. In a way, you almost go numb. You bake the cookies (or break them off and throw them on a pan), you drive to the athletic contests, you buy the gifts, you eat the food (in my case a lot), you wrap the presents, you attend the play (or sometimes ten), you move the Elf (in our house it's a Grinch) and before you know it, it's all over, and you are left sitting there wondering if it all happened or if it was all one merry little dream. You don't feel joy, peace, or comfort because you have literally missed it all just trying to keep your head above water--survival mode.
Why do we do this you ask? We want to be that mom. You know the one I am talking about. The one whose family has a memorable Christmas every year. The one who could write Pinterest boards on how to strategically get your Elf to look like he's hang gliding from the Christmas tree to the stocking. The one who has the picture-perfect Christmas card of the kids all smiling and lovingly holding each other's hands. The one who posts picture after picture of her kids enjoying holiday light shows, Santa visits, and snow tubing adventures. For me, it wasn't even that.
I have always loved Christmas. From the moment I realized what it was, I have loved everything about it--the music, the colors, the smells, the activities. I just couldn't wait for Christmas to come around every year. My mom was amazing at making Christmas memorable. We had this marvelous advent calendar where we moved a mouse every day, and she would put a little note in the pocket with something we were going to do or make or see that day. I remember making ornaments and goodies and just having so much fun. I don't remember a day where she stressed over it all.
Welcome to parenthood Jennifer. I tried to do the same thing. I bought a similar advent calendar. It takes everything in my poor brain to think of a note to write the kids each day. Some days I just say forget it and beg Anthony to help. We didn't get an Elf, but our Grinch sometimes doesn't leave his hiding place. Luckily, he's a lazy small-hearted guy anyway, right? At this point, I could probably set up the Cornelia Christmas in the Park lights on my own we have been through so many times. I just don't have the "momliness" that my mom had.....and I don't know why. And each Christmas season that passes, I feel like I get worse and worse.
We don't have to live in survival mode. We don't have to feel numb. We don't have to compare ourselves to the super Christmas moms out there who's trees aren't covered in super heroes and yet, their kids still love them. I don't have to live up to the awesome Christmas mom I had. I just have to make sure my kids know what this season is really all about and love on them like another one won't come around next year. I have to take a deep breath, count to ten, and be present instead of trying to figure out all the presents. I have to teach them it's about others and not all about them.
It's not easy to let go of survival mode, and just thrive. To be honest, for me, it's easier to not feel and put it on cruise control than to stop, take stock of what's happening. I do it every year and I know each year that I am losing a little more of my love for the season. I am currently trying to get out of survival mode and it is stinking hard. But I know it's worth it because I wasn't meant to just survive.
If you look at the Scriptures they tell us that we were meant to have life--and abundantly at that. And what better time to really live than during the Christmas season? The time that reminds us of why we are able to do so? John 16:33 says, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” I shouldn't be numb! I should be taking heart and living life--even when it's tough, and frustrating, and I want to strangle people with candy canes and Christmas lights.
So here's to getting out of survival mode and letting the Christmas cards fall how they may (crud....I should probably put those in the mail tomorrow). From our havoc-filled house to yours--MERRY CHRISTMAS!
