This morning I was feeling like I was failing at being a good Christian. You guys know me. I am going to be honest to a fault. And here is my truth bomb for the day. I am TERRIBLE at daily Bible time. No matter what I do to try and make myself more successful--the set-up, the studies, the timing--I find myself always falling apart about 7-14 days in. All of a sudden I wake up to realize it's been three days since I have settled down to a study. This was one of those mornings.
But He is always on time and on target. I recently started using an app called "She Reads Truth." It's pretty interesting so far (the 5 days I have kept up with it). The first study I chose was called Hymns. I LOVE old hymns. They bring me back to my salvation days and often will speak to my heart in ways no new contemporary songs can. I enjoyed each of the studies, but today's spoke to me in a way that was on a personal, humbling level.
So there is this hymn called I Need Thee Every Hour. I have heard it a million times growing up in church. Honestly, never thought much through the lyrics or what it was about. But this study changed all of that in a couple of paragraphs. The author of the study, Amanda Williams, went through the study talking about her struggles while raising her toddler daughter. She talked about feeling like a failure. Of course, this hit a soft spot in me because.....wait, you read the first paragraph right? Anyway, she talked about how this song really hit home for her. She was a needy momma. She needed help in every aspect. The song goes like this--
For those of you who don't know (heavens knows I had no clue), Annie Hawks was just a mom, writing poetry, keeping up with her three kids in the 1800's. I stopped for a second and was like, hmmmmmmm.......an artist mom, raising three kids. I automatically felt a kinship with this woman I had never met or even heard of. Some days I feel like an artist and I am definitely raising three kids. Okay, so how much further did these similarities go? I popped out the good ole Google search and dug deeper. Checking into the always accurate and helpful Wikipedia, it told me about this woman was born on May 28th, 1836. HOLD UP. That is my birthday. MY BIRTHDAY YA'LL! We were born on the exact same day. I was like, "Okay God, what are you trying to tell me in all of this?" Here we go...an artist mom of three kids, married, born on the same day. Then I started to think about the time in which she was born. Think about it guys, she is living during the Civil War time period. Probably raising her kids during this turbulent craziness. I feel like I am raising my kids in a crazy and turbulent time as well.
WE LOOK PRETTY SIMILAR RIGHT?
Then I reread the hymn she wrote with fresh eyes. How many times have I been in the middle of a havoc-filled day and thought, "Lord, I am going to need you every second of these next few hours!!" It's a mom's thoughts....let's be honest. That crying infant, the whining toddler, the silent tweenager, the absent teenager, the frustrated hubby......it's all pushed us to the needy point. This song made me realize I am a needy mom. I NEED Him every hour, every second, every breath. And I am okay with being needy. Because let me tell you, I can't do this on my own. "In joy or pain, come quickly and abide" should be my hearts cry as a mother. Think about the ups and downs just in a few hours! The cuddles, then the screams! A mother can go from joy to pain in 0.3 seconds!
In my research on this wonderful poet, I realized she had one thing on me. She wrote this song that I feel like I would have written in a time of frustration, in a time of joy in her life. She says, "One day as a young wife and mother of 37 years of age (WHOA---I am 38! Just another comparison....), I was busy with my regular household tasks (ummmmm that is me right now....work, work, work, work, work--I know you just sang that popular song in your head too). Suddenly, I became so filled with the sense of nearness to the Master that, wondering how one could live without Him, either in joy or pain, these words, 'I need thee every hour,' were ushered into my mind, the thought at once taking full possession of me." (Quoted from cyberhymnal.org) Lord, I NEED that to hit me. I want to get that sense of nearness....even when I am struggling over one of our 9 million loads of laundry!
She goes on to say, "For myself, the hymn was prophetic rather than expressive of my own experiences, for it was wafted out to the world on the wings of love and joy, instead of under the stress of personal sorrow." (Quoted from Wikipedia) She was HAPPY and JOYFUL when these thoughts hit her. Folks, I sadly admit that it's only when I feel needy that these thoughts hit me. When I am joyful, I am not as thankful and as aware of my need. Ouch.....okay, so the comparisons stopped coming right there. When she talks about it being prophetic, she meant the words of the hymn she wrote would hit her later on. She eventually lost her husband and had to live life without him. She points out later on that her words would then soothe her in dealing with the loss of him.
Listen to me people. I am needy. I need Him every hour.....in joy and in suffering, in gain and in loss. I need to feel His presence when I am sweeping the floors, editing some family photos, or wiping a butt. I need to know that He's going to get me through a day where I have to begrudgingly go to the doctor for myself, celebrate with family, and finish all the editing on my plate. I am needy......and that's okay.
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