One thing I never expected was that my love language could
also become my biggest irritant. Let me explain. It all started when I had our
first born son, TJ. I decided early on that I would breastfeed him. I was
nervous at first, but it grew on me and I grew to enjoy the special bonding
time with him. As he grew older, he got handsy. Not in a weird way, but he
would want to rub my neck, or just touch me in some way. After he weaned, he
still would want to touch me in some way. After breastfeeding Reilly and Jase
as well, I found they would do the same thing. They needed that physical touch
to relax or soothe.
Now, fast forward many years later and here I am spending a
lot of my time at home with all my boys in close proximity. All of a sudden, I
have 3 pairs of hands on me pretty much constantly. Someone is sitting on me,
touching me while they talk, or I am having to touch them to get them to even
realize I am talking to them. I am changing pull-ups, kissing boo boos, and
tying shoes. By the time Anthony walks in the door at dinner time, he’s ready
for a hug and a kiss. I am ready to head butt a hole in the wall because I have
had my fill of touching people for the day.
Now, let’s apply what’s happening here to a place that no
couple really likes to talk about in the public arena—the bedroom. By the time
I would lay down at night, Anthony would be interested in, uhhh, let’s call it
cuddling. The last thing I wanted was another pair of hands anywhere on me. Imagine
how that feels to him when he’s been basically been isolated from me all day
and wants my attention. He feels rejected and undesirable. What he didn’t
understand was that wasn’t what it was at all.
When you live in a house with four men and everyone needs a
piece of you—physical or not—it’s a tough balancing act. I have to love on my
kids without giving so much away that there’s nothing left for Anthony. I have
also had to learn that I have to “prepare” myself for even more touching on a
day where I may feel like I have been touched by every person on the planet. My
husband can’t suffer just because I have been touched too much in one day.
The same thing goes for patience. I can’t use all my
patience on the kids. That sounds terrible, but if I give every little bit of
patience I have to the kids, there is nothing left for poor old Ant when he
comes in the door and wants to talk about something I have no interest in
whatsoever. He deserves better than that. I have to remember, one day, our kids
will be out living lives of their own and it will just be me and him. If I don’t
invest in us now, there won’t be an “us” to invest in later.
Let’s be real. Your bedroom life suffers enough because of
having kids. Obstacles like finding time or privacy are tough enough without
adding other issues into the mix. I have learned to find ways to cut down on
the touching during the day so that I am not so burned out when it’s Anthony’s
turn for attention. Am I really good at this? Absolutely not. He will tell you.
I still have days where I let him know I just don’t have it in me to be touched
by one more person that day. I think he is more understanding now than he used
to be, but until you spend a day in my shoes, it’s tough to realize how much
physical contact there is during the day.
Now this conversation could go different ways for different
people. Consider the teaching profession. You give everything you have to the
classroom all day long. You have had to swallow 5,000 sarcastic comments and
have the patience of Job for too many hours. You get home and let that first
sarcastic comment slip on poor Mr. Wonderful. Your patience leaves you when he
lashes back at you. What about all you ladies working nightshifts at the
hospital? Most likely you aren’t even on the same sleep schedule as your hubby.
Finding the time to have any connection in the bedroom feels like a chore. It’s
not just work from home moms who have been touched too much. It’s women
everywhere who are trying to make a living, make a home, raise children, and
still have some life outside of it all.
Just because you are tired, overly touched, grouchy,
impatient, or just stubborn doesn’t mean you can’t make the effort in the
bedroom. Let me tell you, it’s proven that, uhhhh, cuddling relieves stress.
Raise your hand if you are not a stressed out woman right now. Exactly, I don’t
see any hands. We could all use a little stress relief. And honesty goes a long
way as well. If there’s been a day where I just can’t make the effort, I let
Anthony know. Sure he’s disappointed, but he knows that I will make up for it
in the future. I’ll be completely honest with you. I can’t go very long without
a physical connection with him. I need to be close and feel loved by him. I
feel like it’s a need for survival. However, that requires effort on my part. I
can’t expect him to be the only one making sacrifices and swallowing their
pride (and sometimes all the other issues that I have had to deal with during
the day).
I encourage you ladies, no matter what issues you face this
week, to make an effort to make more of an effort in the more private area of
your home. Invest in your marriage—invest in your spouse. Find out his love
language and speak it this week. Don’t let all the outside stressors of life
detract from your fun and adventure in the bedroom. It’s time to take control
of emotions and enjoy the person God has blessed us with. Cuddle my friends…..cuddle
away.
No comments:
Post a Comment