Review: Bringing up Boys Dr. Dobson

Have you noticed that kids just aren't the same anymore? I know my generation was different than that of my parents, but the situation seems to be even more out of control. After teaching and coaching for the last several years, I knew (or thought I knew) how I wanted to raise my kids. Now that I have two boys, I realized that things aren't as clear cut as I once thought them to be. To help gain some perspective on boys and how to raise them, I picked up Dr. James Dobson's Bringing up Boys at the library.

The first impression I got of this book was overwhelming. The cover states "Practical advice and encouragement for those shaping the next generation of men." WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. I have a three year old and a seven month old. Who said anything about men? Then it dawns on me. I am raising boys to be men. YIKES. There I sat, taking the full on hit that I was raising future men. (Yes, I do know that boys turn into adults eventually, but I honestly haven't been thinking that far ahead. I am still trying to get sleep at night and picking boogers out of noses that aren't mine.) I had not even made it past the front cover and I was about to cry. What am I going to do? My mom raised girls. She can't help me! I don't know anything about being a man. Sure, I can shoot a basketball better than a lot of guys, but that doesn't give me the credentials to be raising men! So, right there, I had a mental breakdown before even opening the book.

Once I got over myself and started reading, I was completely engrossed in everything Dr. Dobson had to say. Our boys are being attacked by the world, our culture, and everything in between--starting from birth. My boys are so blessed to have been born into a family that is intact and where both parents spend time with them. The book was published in 2001, but you would be blown away by the statistics on divorced families, even among those who are self-proclaimed Christians. Don't get me wrong. I know that there are situations where grounds for divorce are justified, but I believe that there are families today that could have been saved, but the parents just gave up. As I am learning, love is a choice. Even though I would love to tell you that the Straightforward Dad and I live in absolute marital bliss, I would be lying. The stresses of life and raising children do get to us. We have our battles and our "moments." However, when we took our vows, we knew we were in this for the long haul. So many children don't have that anymore. Also, we have boys (and girls) who don't even know the identity of their fathers.

Dr. Dobson talks about how our culture is affecting boys. From violence to sexual content everywhere you look (walk by a Guess store, it offers a sex lesson right there in the mall), to demeaning men and masculinity. I never realized how bad men/fathers were bashed on TV until I read this book. Have you watched cartoons recently? Good grief! It always struck me funny when I was a kid and realized how many Disney characters either didn't have one parent or they killed one during the movie. Watch cartoons today and you will find parents (especially dads) being depicted as spineless idiots. (Thanks Nickelodeon! Seriously, Jimmy Neutron's dad, Timmy Turner's dad, etc.?) Watch a commercial. Men are shown to be idiots at every turn. If they are not shown to be idiots, they are shown to be sleazy, sex-minded sicko's. I can hear it now...."But aren't all men like that?" I can honestly say that so many are not. I am married to one and those of you who know my father realize that he has more backbone than most dinosaurs. Yet, if our culture keeps telling and showing boys that this is what men are--guess what? That's how they will behave. (On a side note, we no longer will have Nickelodeon after this Friday.)

I think I was most shocked at the attack on masculinity. I don't know about other women out there, but I want a man. I want to be taken care of and protected. Today, men are told they are not sensitive enough. They don't have "feelings." Boys are told to play with gender neutral toys and feel too aggressive if they want to play with bow and arrows or plastic cap guns. Once again I can hear people saying, "Well, playing with plastic weapons makes boys violent!" Really? What would you consider to be worse? Kids playing with plastic weapons (TJ has a bow and arrow that he "hunts" with) or watching TV and seeing mutilation, crime scenes, and people blowing other people away for no good reason. Hmmmmm.......makes you think doesn't it? Even worse is the desensitization to homosexuality. Our schools (state schools of course) have even taught, from a very early age, that this is ok and that some kids have two mommies or daddies. Take a step back from that for just a minute. The school your tax dollars go to does this. Interesting.

Now, do I agree with every single sentence of this book? I actually don't. He includes a section about the problem with boys being forced to compete against girls in athletics. I have no problem with this concept and don't believe it should be a problem. He believes that this makes the weaker boys feel even worse. I believe that there is a solution to that problem if it becomes one. Parents should sit down with their sons and be honest. Maybe this is something he likes, but there's something better out there that he will excel in. This approach does sound brutal, but we are told to be honest with our kids and I think this is one important way to do that. (I know some are saying that I will never apply this reason with my own son. You will be surprised about how quickly we would do this. We have seen many children in our careers as coaches who would have benefited from this discussion with their parents.)

I think Dr. Dobson poses a great question in the end. When will parents (and grandparents) wake up and start to attack the forces against their children? Well, this parent "woke" up and is now more ready to face the challenges that lie ahead in growing men. Now, I don't have all the answers, but I am now more aware of what I need to do and what I can change. He also has a book called, Bringing up Girls for those of you with daughters.

I don't want to give away the whole book again, but I encourage anyone who has a son to read this book. If you have a grandson--READ THIS BOOK! If you are having a child and don't know what the sex is--READ THIS BOOK. You will appreciate it's eye opening information and encouragement that it offers.