I started a new job on Monday this week. At the end of the first day as we were walking out to leave, someone behind me asks, "Well, are you coming back tomorrow?" My new boss, who I have known for a number of years, was right there and probably thought I was a little off when I replied, "He better give me some work to do if he wants me to come back!"
You see, it was a normal first day where you meet a lot of new people, you get a tour of the campus/facilities, they show you around a bit, you shoot the breeze a little, etc. I know all that is necessary, but I wanted to get to work! I can't stand not working and not making a contribution. That is something I was taught. I wasn't born with it. It was nurture, not nature.
Last weekend Jen and I were doing some yard work, pulling weeds, spreading mulch, and those types of things. Reilly wanted to help some spreading mulch, and he did. Jase wanted to water the plants, so he went and got on his swimming trunks and did that. I had pulled a bunch of weeds several days before that. TJ was helping me, but he didn't do much. He's 11, so there is a certain expectation level about what he can and can't do. But it reminded me how hard it is for us as parents to get our kids to not only work, but to do work well.
Our boys can be really helpful at times. But when they are assigned a task they don't like, or if they have some schoolwork they don't enjoy, of course they don't do it to the best of their abilities. Or if they need to clean their room or fold and put away laundry as examples, they take forever and complain the whole time they're doing it!
We also try to stress to them that if they want to be good at something, really good, they have to work at it often, like every day, and work hard at it. It so often seems like they are not getting it and we're making no progress. As parents we want to train them to be excellent in everything they do, and to work hard at the task at hand.
I remember my mom and dad always holding us to a high standard. Growing up my brother and I would help our dad mow a few lawns to make some extra money. Especially when we were younger, we did a job that was maybe less than complete. "Get every blade," he would say, every blade of grass of course. So he wouldn't let us be done until we were, well, done. It needed to be a finished product, one that was complete and thorough and well done.
So Jen and I vent to each other about this occasionally, and we vent to the boys occasionally, but it sure does feel like an uphill battle. Can we actually teach them to work hard and to do a job well done? Can they really learn?
Yes (I think)! Just yesterday I came home and Jen and the boys were gone as Jen has a photo session somewhere. I walked into the quiet living room to see that it had been cleaned up spotless! It's usually a disaster because as soon as we clean it up our boys destroy it. I texted Jen and said,"Nice job cleaning up!" Her response, "The boys did that I did the laundry...Make sure you tell them."
Glory, glory Hallelujah there is hope for the future!
Later I asked her how she got them to do the job and do it so well. She explained...well...I'll let her tell it...
I asked the boys to clean up the living area. It was completely destroyed, with their stuff everywhere. Cars, board games, stuffed animals, hats, shoes, clothes, and more littered the floor. I had pretty much hit my limit. I gave the instructions and left the room to finish my work. Every ten seconds, TJ came in to give me a report about how neither of his brothers could do anything and were not useful in any way. Reilly kept coming in to complain that TJ was bugging him. Jase was running around like a psycho. The last straw was when Jase came in and asked me to open something. I quickly called all the boys into my "office." I looked TJ straight in the face and started with him. I explained to him that his whining and complaining had lost him valuable time. He had spent so much time focused on what others were doing, he had lost focus on his own task. Being his best self was finishing the task no matter what everyone else was doing. In the amount of time he had spent complaining, he could have finished the room and started doing something else. I changed my focus to Reilly and simply told him, "You are lazy." I explained that he was lazy toward a lot of things--school work, baseball.....pretty much anything he put his hands to. He tried to interject and say he wasn't, but I pushed on. I explained to him why I perceived him as lazy. At one point I asked him when was the last time he threw a baseball. Poor Jase got the last bit of my speech. I told him that he had to start being helpful. I know most people would be like, "Give him a break! He's only four." But this kid is very capable of picking up his toys, and he knows that his dirty clothes go in the laundry room. I reminded him that he is the big boy that he constantly claims he is. If he wants to prove to me that he is a big boy who can be independent and do big boy things, he has to prove that he can do big boy things. After my big speech, they went in and went straight to work. I only helped with two things after that. The living room was SPOTLESS.
Folks, this is not an easy task to teach that generation what it means to work hard and to do things with excellence. However, it is a battle that MUST be waged. We cannot let our kids grow up not knowing what it means to work and how to achieve things. They have to know that it takes work, effort, sacrifice to earn anything in life.
If you have kids, you need to know that we're all in this together. If we all make sure our kids know what it means to work, or at least we are working toward it, when they go to school or church or the playground and talk they will know that the expectations are high and that is just the way things are. So press on and fight the good fight. Our society needs it.
One other way you can help...post this blog on Facebook or share our Facebook post of it and let us know something you are doing teach your kids how to work!
