I always think it is amazing when Mother's Day or Father's Day comes around and suddenly, social media is lit up with positive, uplifting posts about parents. It makes me smile to see the old photos, the heartwarming stories, and the love that is just pouring out of folks. Typically, social media is crushed with negativity and scapegoating.
As for me, I kind of fell silent this Mother's Day on social media. I wanted to soak in everything that was being said about parents. I wasn't mad at my mom, mother-in-law, grandma or aunt. I don't love them any less that day just because I enjoyed everyone's posts and waited to write something up of my own. (But you would be surprised how many people notice you didn't write something. Maybe I post too much! HAHA) However, I can't let the time pass without sharing with you about the woman who made me who I am.
I'll be totally straight up with you. I may have been a good kid growing up, but I know for my mom, I wasn't the easiest daughter to raise. Probably from day one, my mom and I were different from each other. I can almost guarantee you, I wasn't the little girl she probably had dreamed about having from the time she discovered she wanted to be a mom. I was rough, tumble, and loud. (I'm pretty much still all those things.) I didn't like dresses, having my hair fixed, or being without my basketball. Now, that's not to say I didn't like girl things. I carried around a Cabbage Patch doll, and I had some barbies and a few My Little Ponies that ran around with Rainbow Brite. Yet, I was drawn to GI Joes, Thundercats, and Voltron. I can only imagine what she thought as she watched my GI Joes riding around on pretty pink and white ponies with pictures on their rears.
As I got older, the difference in our personalities became more pronounced. However, she immersed herself in my world--basketball. She went to games and learned to do the books and the score board. She has eaten thousands of concession stand dinners, chaperoned too many kids in hotel rooms (where she saw a dead cat under a bed--seriously, an awesome story for another time), and washed far too many sweaty pairs of socks and jerseys. Late nights, fast food meals, and long bus rides were her life from the time I was in 6th grade until I graduated from Piedmont.
How she dealt with a kid that was so different from who she was, is beyond me. Sometimes, as a parent, I talk to the boys and the difference in how we each think blows me away. Of course, it's to be expected because of the gender difference. One would think that with us being women, it would be more similar. It wasn't. I am sure she thought I was insane not just because of my interests, but in the way that I thought.
You see, my mom is an awesome woman. She always dresses nice, wears make-up, fixes her hair and is sweet to everyone. I rarely dress like anything other than a hobo. The closest I get to make-up is Chapstick. I haven't had a hair cut in probably two years. And sweet? Let's just say, I cherish the people who think that I am remotely anything like that. My mom has always cared what people think about her and I usually don't think twice about it. For the most part, my mom knows what to say to make people feel better. I have been told I am too critical. She invests in relationships and I struggle to keep them going. I felt like she always had a handle on my sister and I. She was the ultimate chaos coordinator. Me, on the other hand....I am just treading water every day.
I know she would never in a million years believe this, but she really seemed to have it all together. Looking back over those years when she was dealing with me and my craziness as a teenager, I know I frustrated her to no end, but I felt like she dealt with it and then moved on. By the next day she was treating me like normal again. Here I have elementary age children and I feel like I drag the same feelings around for days. How did she do that?
In all honesty, my mom and I aren't as different as I would like to believe. We both love our children with every fiber of our beings. She is the one who taught me how to do that. She and I have sacrificed a lot for our kids. She gave up other career opportunities where she would have had a retirement account and insurance with a more impressive salary, to work at a Christian school with hardly any benefits except a discount on tuition (that was reduced practically each year). I learned everything I know about sacrifice from her and my dad. Her sacrifice was more obvious to me though because I saw it every day. I feel her pain now that I have experienced a similar type of sacrifice. Neither of us are super awesome housekeepers. I think we both live by the motto, "Spending time with our kids > than an organized home." We both love people. I can remember from a very young age watching my mom love on her friends. I always thought she was a great person to have on your side. She still is. While I am not the best at cultivating relationships with others, I do love people. I have always tried to do that through my careers through the years. We both get hangry. Never was a truer sentence written. Let's be honest ladies......there aren't many of us who don't get that way right? The similarities don't end there. We have the same horse hair that is so thick that you will die of heat exhaustion in the summer. We both love mushrooms and traveling. Neither of us like scary movies or change.
Honestly, everything you see about me that is good, came from being taught by her and my dad. She invested every ounce of herself into raising my sister and I. If you think highly of me at all, it is because of the prayers, tears, and emotional struggle that she went through every day. Thank you is not sufficient for her.
The neat thing though? She learned from her mom too. I get the benefit of learning from both of these women. I mean, how blessed is this girl? So many other women invested in my life in a positive way, aunts, great-aunts, great-grandmas, that when Mother's Day comes each year, I am reminded that I am also to be this for my kids, nieces, and nephews. They leave such a legacy and lead by example. Hopefully, one day, I will get to hear my kids say the same thing about me and I will simply tell them, "I get it from my momma!"
Happy Mother's Day from the Chief Chaos Coordinator of the Cox Crew!
Wednesday, May 17, 2017
Tuesday, May 9, 2017
This is Us
A typical day for us goes a little something like this.......
Anthony gets up first and reads his Bible and drinks a ridiculous amount of coffee. It's one cup. It's a rather large cup, but it's one cup. My alarm goes off right before he gets into the shower and I drag myself out of the bed. (I would like to add here that I recently have been getting up and doing my personal quiet time while he is in another room doing his. I have been horrible about this as I have become less of a morning person since the homeschool adventure with all the kids started.) We get dressed and right before I wake up the kids, I get a quick "I love you!," a kiss, and he's out the door headed to work. We see each other (usually) at lunch time. We have an hour to catch up on the day so far and for me to unload to him about how rough my part of the day has been. Once again, he's out the door. He comes home about 5:30pm and he hits the kitchen while I work. We sit and eat. We typically do some kind of needed chore or run around with the kids for a bit and then hit the sack. Wasn't that the perfect day you dreamed about when you thought about getting married?
This is us, day in and day out. Some days we throw in a baseball or basketball game, church, time with extended family, or my not so favorite trip--Wal-mart. But for the most part, this is us.
When you are considering marriage as young adults, it seems so romantic and blissful. We were married straight out of college (literally in between semesters of our graduate program). I remember all the high hopes and great expectations I had walking into the whole situation. They all came crashing into reality the day we were married. I am not lying when I say I basically had a panic attack leaving the church on our way to our honeymoon. Everything hit me like a brick wall as I sat in the car next to this man I had just married, and the tears just came. I had left everything I had ever known behind at the church--everyone having a fantastic time, enjoying life, and eating my cake. Of course, Anthony was totally taken aback as I lost it for about 30 minutes or so. He may have been nervous that day, but he wasn't at all thinking about the past. He seemed totally ready for the future. That was us.
As time went on, I realized just how hard married life really is. I worked incredibly crazy hours at a job that was over 30 minutes away from him. Work was a big deal for both of us and we wanted to be the best we could. It's amazing how much that took a toll on our marriage. I look back now and I am ashamed that I put our relationship on the back burner during that crucial time. The first five years of marriage are insane. I don't think anyone ever really said that to us out loud. I think people hinted at it, but never said it straight out. I am saying it loud and clear. THE FIRST FIVE YEARS ARE CRAZY HARD. If you are reading this and you are in those years, definitely take time to get to know your spouse. Invest in your relationship because so many things come along after those first five years that you will never find the time to do it later. In those first years you learn so much about each other. Not just likes and dislikes, but hopes, dreams, preferences, secrets, etc. Looking back, I feel like I knew more about the lives of my students than I did about Anthony's. It wasn't because I cared for him less, I just gave most of my time and effort to my students. That was us.
To be completely honest, we hit a very tough time in our marriage about year 4. There were moments where I questioned what in the world I was doing! What had I gotten myself into? If you think about it, most people don't even date very long, so when you get a few years in, it's really like, "Uh-oh! I am really deep into this thing and there is no going back!" But you learn that love is a choice. I also realized that if I wanted to keep my marriage on the right track, I had to fight like crazy for it. There are constant attacks to try and destroy what you have built.
Later, kids come into the picture. It's a totally new ball game. That's when you realize you should have been investing more time in your marriage back in the day, before they came along! (There are days that I can't figure out what we did before we had kids! We must have been extremely lazy.) Time together alone lessens with each new addition. You wonder when you will ever sleep together again, much less get to "cuddle." Communicating with each other often consists of words that you would never have said to each other before. For instance, our conversations now include words like "pooped on my back" and "trucks in my hair." Romantic dinners consist of four men at the dining room table dressed in suits with big smiles. Don't get me wrong, it's an amazing family life, but our couple time is limited. This is us.
Tomorrow (May 10th) will mark our 14th anniversary. Saying that out loud blows my mind. We have been on this journey for 14 years (well longer if you count how long we dated). Have I loved him every single day? No. Has he lived up to every single expectation? No. Has he ever made me so mad I wanted to pack up and go home? Yes. Have I ever wanted to give up? Yes. I think anyone who answers those questions differently at any stage of marriage is lying. We are human and love is a choice. We don't always make the right choices. I wish I could answer those questions differently, but I am human, and heaven help me, I am a woman.
As we celebrate 14 years, I wanted to share a few things that Anthony does to make us who we are. He is a godly man who makes mistakes and owns up to them. He tells me what I need to hear, even when I don't want to hear it (or I think he's wrong). He supports me even when I feel like a complete failure. He loves his children and he leads by example. He works hard at his job even when the reward may not be what he deserves. He loves people and has a heart the size of Texas. All of these things and more are what he does to make us the couple that you see in front of you every day. Yeah we may be frazzled, late, and have one child that is only wearing one shoe, or might be pulling his pants down in public, but we are together, happy, and working hard to be what God wants us to be. This is us, and I couldn't be more grateful.
Anthony gets up first and reads his Bible and drinks a ridiculous amount of coffee. It's one cup. It's a rather large cup, but it's one cup. My alarm goes off right before he gets into the shower and I drag myself out of the bed. (I would like to add here that I recently have been getting up and doing my personal quiet time while he is in another room doing his. I have been horrible about this as I have become less of a morning person since the homeschool adventure with all the kids started.) We get dressed and right before I wake up the kids, I get a quick "I love you!," a kiss, and he's out the door headed to work. We see each other (usually) at lunch time. We have an hour to catch up on the day so far and for me to unload to him about how rough my part of the day has been. Once again, he's out the door. He comes home about 5:30pm and he hits the kitchen while I work. We sit and eat. We typically do some kind of needed chore or run around with the kids for a bit and then hit the sack. Wasn't that the perfect day you dreamed about when you thought about getting married?
This is us, day in and day out. Some days we throw in a baseball or basketball game, church, time with extended family, or my not so favorite trip--Wal-mart. But for the most part, this is us.
When you are considering marriage as young adults, it seems so romantic and blissful. We were married straight out of college (literally in between semesters of our graduate program). I remember all the high hopes and great expectations I had walking into the whole situation. They all came crashing into reality the day we were married. I am not lying when I say I basically had a panic attack leaving the church on our way to our honeymoon. Everything hit me like a brick wall as I sat in the car next to this man I had just married, and the tears just came. I had left everything I had ever known behind at the church--everyone having a fantastic time, enjoying life, and eating my cake. Of course, Anthony was totally taken aback as I lost it for about 30 minutes or so. He may have been nervous that day, but he wasn't at all thinking about the past. He seemed totally ready for the future. That was us.
As time went on, I realized just how hard married life really is. I worked incredibly crazy hours at a job that was over 30 minutes away from him. Work was a big deal for both of us and we wanted to be the best we could. It's amazing how much that took a toll on our marriage. I look back now and I am ashamed that I put our relationship on the back burner during that crucial time. The first five years of marriage are insane. I don't think anyone ever really said that to us out loud. I think people hinted at it, but never said it straight out. I am saying it loud and clear. THE FIRST FIVE YEARS ARE CRAZY HARD. If you are reading this and you are in those years, definitely take time to get to know your spouse. Invest in your relationship because so many things come along after those first five years that you will never find the time to do it later. In those first years you learn so much about each other. Not just likes and dislikes, but hopes, dreams, preferences, secrets, etc. Looking back, I feel like I knew more about the lives of my students than I did about Anthony's. It wasn't because I cared for him less, I just gave most of my time and effort to my students. That was us.
To be completely honest, we hit a very tough time in our marriage about year 4. There were moments where I questioned what in the world I was doing! What had I gotten myself into? If you think about it, most people don't even date very long, so when you get a few years in, it's really like, "Uh-oh! I am really deep into this thing and there is no going back!" But you learn that love is a choice. I also realized that if I wanted to keep my marriage on the right track, I had to fight like crazy for it. There are constant attacks to try and destroy what you have built.
Later, kids come into the picture. It's a totally new ball game. That's when you realize you should have been investing more time in your marriage back in the day, before they came along! (There are days that I can't figure out what we did before we had kids! We must have been extremely lazy.) Time together alone lessens with each new addition. You wonder when you will ever sleep together again, much less get to "cuddle." Communicating with each other often consists of words that you would never have said to each other before. For instance, our conversations now include words like "pooped on my back" and "trucks in my hair." Romantic dinners consist of four men at the dining room table dressed in suits with big smiles. Don't get me wrong, it's an amazing family life, but our couple time is limited. This is us.
Tomorrow (May 10th) will mark our 14th anniversary. Saying that out loud blows my mind. We have been on this journey for 14 years (well longer if you count how long we dated). Have I loved him every single day? No. Has he lived up to every single expectation? No. Has he ever made me so mad I wanted to pack up and go home? Yes. Have I ever wanted to give up? Yes. I think anyone who answers those questions differently at any stage of marriage is lying. We are human and love is a choice. We don't always make the right choices. I wish I could answer those questions differently, but I am human, and heaven help me, I am a woman.
As we celebrate 14 years, I wanted to share a few things that Anthony does to make us who we are. He is a godly man who makes mistakes and owns up to them. He tells me what I need to hear, even when I don't want to hear it (or I think he's wrong). He supports me even when I feel like a complete failure. He loves his children and he leads by example. He works hard at his job even when the reward may not be what he deserves. He loves people and has a heart the size of Texas. All of these things and more are what he does to make us the couple that you see in front of you every day. Yeah we may be frazzled, late, and have one child that is only wearing one shoe, or might be pulling his pants down in public, but we are together, happy, and working hard to be what God wants us to be. This is us, and I couldn't be more grateful.
Thursday, May 4, 2017
I guess they do grow up, don't they.
If you have read much of what we write or if you have watched our Facebook Live sessions, you know that we think parenting is a really hard thing to do. I remember sometime after TJ was born all of a sudden at one point having the weight of the responsibility hit me. Our parenting has eternal consequences. We are responsible for the soul of another human being. That is a tremendous amount of pressure! And now we have three of them.
TJ turned 10 years old recently. With him reaching the teenage years, it has caused me to think a lot about my role in his life and how we teach him to grow to be a man. I don't feel successful as a father in a lot of ways, like I should be spending more one-on-one time with him and really teaching him how to do life the right way. To be honest, Jen teaches him a lot. She's home with him every day and has been for a few years. She takes the time to play sports with him and those types of things. I think it is good that he is learning from her in some ways, but I know there is pressure on me to be influential in certain areas. I also know that she wants to me to "step up" more in meeting this need.
TJ played soccer for a few seasons when he was 4-6 I think. Jen and I both hate soccer, and we were so relieved when he decided not to play anymore. But we have always been careful not to pressure him to do too many things he wasn't really interested in. He said he was interested in engineering, or maybe we just assumed that, so he took a bunch of engineering classes. He had not played any more sports until recently. Reilly played basketball in the fall, and TJ started talking about it a little, but 10 years old is a little late by today's standards to start playing a sport.
One day we were at Academy Sports in Gainesville and found a great deal on some basketball shoes his size. He kind of decided then he might give basketball a try. He had never been interested in it at all before. I told him if we bought the shoes that meant he was playing, and he said okay. Fast forward to the "player evaluations" that took place a couple of months ago. He went in and came out after a few minutes and I met him away from other people at which time he said, "Well, I stunk." (Actually, he said, "Well, I sucked" but we don't like that word in our house and so I didn't want to write it.)
It broke my heart, but it was a big deal that he was even trying and I was already so proud. It was way out of his comfort zone. He doesn't like to look silly, and I'm pretty sure he felt silly out there. His team practiced a few times, and he was lost and felt out of place. To be honest he couldn't even really catch a ball, let alone dribble to the basket and shoot a layup. It was so hard for me to watch, and I wanted to go help him, but I had to let him grow on his own in that setting.
After several practices, they had their first game. He was still lost, but he was getting better little by little. Then it seemed like a switch flipped inside him. All of a sudden, we didn't have to force him to go outside and practice. He wanted to do it on his own, and he did, and it helped that Jen was able to work with him. Since then he has had a few more games, and he, by some miracle, has developed somewhat of a passion for it.
Most of you know that I love basketball, and Jen loves it too. We both experienced the personal growth and gained so much value from playing the sport all the way through college and then coaching after that. So we would love for all our kids to be passionate about basketball, but we are okay if it's not basketball. We just want them to be passionate about SOMETHING. TJ has always been passionate about reading, and history, and video games. But never in a million years did we think he would develop any kind of desire to be good at, and win in, basketball. That day has come. Even if it is short-lived, we are so proud that he is trying and practicing to be better. He has a long way to go, but in the game tonight he got a couple steals, forced a couple turnovers, got a couple rebounds, dribbled (!), attempted several shots, and got more involved. So I need to spend more time helping him develop and improve.
The other night TJ and Reilly and Jen were playing 21 and I was about to head out to play some hoops myself. TJ was making it very difficult for Reilly to do anything, and at one point I grabbed TJ's arm and yanked him away to let Reilly have a chance to shoot. TJ immediately started crying and ran to his mom and sobbed. We were just messing around, but later I asked him why he was so upset. He explained that his 35-year-old dad grabbed his arm and pulled him away when he was about to get the ball and go make an easy shot when he only had one point and his mom had a lot more. It was partly that he wanted to beat his mom, and it was partly that I treated him like a little kid that made him so upset. I realized at that moment that all of a sudden, he really needs me to respect him in a more "grown-up" way. He needs me to treat him not so much like a little rag doll that I can throw around. He needs to know that I now see him as more than just a little kid. The next night he came inside bawling because he was so close to beating his mom in 21. I explained to him that it would never happen, so to not get so upset about it. :)
At the Christmas program at church, there were some fairly long stretches where most of the kids sat on stage and watched the program play out. TJ was acting like a crazy person. Seriously, I'm not exaggerating to say he looked like a lunatic. He was hitting Reilly in the back of the head. He was seemingly making fun of other kids who were telling him to be quiet. It was insane. It was so unlike him. I was so frustrated and getting so upset that almost wanted to walk on stage and grab him by the arm to drag him off. Really I was torn between doing that or walking out of the sanctuary. I kept my composure. Maybe no one else noticed, but I was boiling. After the program was over, we realized he was acting like an idiot because he was trying to impress a girl he was sitting next to on stage.
So at this point in his life, we have a young man who is experiencing these emotions and feelings and thoughts that I know are really difficult for him to process and understand. I need to be there to put my arm around his shoulder and explain that life is going to be hard to figure out sometimes. He needs to know that girls in school or at church can cause boys to do some pretty stupid things. (I'm pretty sure at the beach one time when I was in middle school I tried to do a backflip in about a foot of water trying to impress some girls. I did about half of a backflip and landed on my head. My neck still hurts. I'm not sure if the girls were impressed.) He also needs to learn that girls don't always have his best interest in mind, whether he is talking to them in person or they go to his school or they are on the screen of his phone or tablet or computer. He needs to learn that from me.
He also needs to learn that women are to be respected, and that starts at home with his mom. I need to model that for him. Sometimes I do a good job, but sometimes I don't. Sometimes in cases that he has a disrespectful tone with her, I don't punish him when I should. He also needs to learn that is good to love your wife, and it's good to hug and kiss her and show affection in the home. I think I do a pretty good job with that one.
At times I tend to be passive in my teaching (Jen is rolling her eyes right now because she thinks I'm too passive with everything). But what I mean is I like to try to model the right behavior in front of the boys instead of teaching it. Someone once said, "More is caught than taught." That has to be true in some cases. Even when I played basketball I led more by example than I did ordering people around. That's not my style. I try to demonstrate that reading my Bible is something that is important to us and that God is to be honored in our household. However, I should probably be more proactive in having devotional time with the boys and more intentional about spending time with them doing specific things. That's an area I need to improve.
Raising kids is hard. I don't want to be the reason that my boys grow up to be less than the men they should be. It's time to step up to the plate and take ownership of what is mostly my role in the household.
TJ turned 10 years old recently. With him reaching the teenage years, it has caused me to think a lot about my role in his life and how we teach him to grow to be a man. I don't feel successful as a father in a lot of ways, like I should be spending more one-on-one time with him and really teaching him how to do life the right way. To be honest, Jen teaches him a lot. She's home with him every day and has been for a few years. She takes the time to play sports with him and those types of things. I think it is good that he is learning from her in some ways, but I know there is pressure on me to be influential in certain areas. I also know that she wants to me to "step up" more in meeting this need.
 |
| Update Fall 2018: TJ made the Middle School Tennis Team! |
TJ played soccer for a few seasons when he was 4-6 I think. Jen and I both hate soccer, and we were so relieved when he decided not to play anymore. But we have always been careful not to pressure him to do too many things he wasn't really interested in. He said he was interested in engineering, or maybe we just assumed that, so he took a bunch of engineering classes. He had not played any more sports until recently. Reilly played basketball in the fall, and TJ started talking about it a little, but 10 years old is a little late by today's standards to start playing a sport.
One day we were at Academy Sports in Gainesville and found a great deal on some basketball shoes his size. He kind of decided then he might give basketball a try. He had never been interested in it at all before. I told him if we bought the shoes that meant he was playing, and he said okay. Fast forward to the "player evaluations" that took place a couple of months ago. He went in and came out after a few minutes and I met him away from other people at which time he said, "Well, I stunk." (Actually, he said, "Well, I sucked" but we don't like that word in our house and so I didn't want to write it.)
It broke my heart, but it was a big deal that he was even trying and I was already so proud. It was way out of his comfort zone. He doesn't like to look silly, and I'm pretty sure he felt silly out there. His team practiced a few times, and he was lost and felt out of place. To be honest he couldn't even really catch a ball, let alone dribble to the basket and shoot a layup. It was so hard for me to watch, and I wanted to go help him, but I had to let him grow on his own in that setting.
After several practices, they had their first game. He was still lost, but he was getting better little by little. Then it seemed like a switch flipped inside him. All of a sudden, we didn't have to force him to go outside and practice. He wanted to do it on his own, and he did, and it helped that Jen was able to work with him. Since then he has had a few more games, and he, by some miracle, has developed somewhat of a passion for it.
Most of you know that I love basketball, and Jen loves it too. We both experienced the personal growth and gained so much value from playing the sport all the way through college and then coaching after that. So we would love for all our kids to be passionate about basketball, but we are okay if it's not basketball. We just want them to be passionate about SOMETHING. TJ has always been passionate about reading, and history, and video games. But never in a million years did we think he would develop any kind of desire to be good at, and win in, basketball. That day has come. Even if it is short-lived, we are so proud that he is trying and practicing to be better. He has a long way to go, but in the game tonight he got a couple steals, forced a couple turnovers, got a couple rebounds, dribbled (!), attempted several shots, and got more involved. So I need to spend more time helping him develop and improve.
The other night TJ and Reilly and Jen were playing 21 and I was about to head out to play some hoops myself. TJ was making it very difficult for Reilly to do anything, and at one point I grabbed TJ's arm and yanked him away to let Reilly have a chance to shoot. TJ immediately started crying and ran to his mom and sobbed. We were just messing around, but later I asked him why he was so upset. He explained that his 35-year-old dad grabbed his arm and pulled him away when he was about to get the ball and go make an easy shot when he only had one point and his mom had a lot more. It was partly that he wanted to beat his mom, and it was partly that I treated him like a little kid that made him so upset. I realized at that moment that all of a sudden, he really needs me to respect him in a more "grown-up" way. He needs me to treat him not so much like a little rag doll that I can throw around. He needs to know that I now see him as more than just a little kid. The next night he came inside bawling because he was so close to beating his mom in 21. I explained to him that it would never happen, so to not get so upset about it. :)
At the Christmas program at church, there were some fairly long stretches where most of the kids sat on stage and watched the program play out. TJ was acting like a crazy person. Seriously, I'm not exaggerating to say he looked like a lunatic. He was hitting Reilly in the back of the head. He was seemingly making fun of other kids who were telling him to be quiet. It was insane. It was so unlike him. I was so frustrated and getting so upset that almost wanted to walk on stage and grab him by the arm to drag him off. Really I was torn between doing that or walking out of the sanctuary. I kept my composure. Maybe no one else noticed, but I was boiling. After the program was over, we realized he was acting like an idiot because he was trying to impress a girl he was sitting next to on stage.
So at this point in his life, we have a young man who is experiencing these emotions and feelings and thoughts that I know are really difficult for him to process and understand. I need to be there to put my arm around his shoulder and explain that life is going to be hard to figure out sometimes. He needs to know that girls in school or at church can cause boys to do some pretty stupid things. (I'm pretty sure at the beach one time when I was in middle school I tried to do a backflip in about a foot of water trying to impress some girls. I did about half of a backflip and landed on my head. My neck still hurts. I'm not sure if the girls were impressed.) He also needs to learn that girls don't always have his best interest in mind, whether he is talking to them in person or they go to his school or they are on the screen of his phone or tablet or computer. He needs to learn that from me.
He also needs to learn that women are to be respected, and that starts at home with his mom. I need to model that for him. Sometimes I do a good job, but sometimes I don't. Sometimes in cases that he has a disrespectful tone with her, I don't punish him when I should. He also needs to learn that is good to love your wife, and it's good to hug and kiss her and show affection in the home. I think I do a pretty good job with that one.
At times I tend to be passive in my teaching (Jen is rolling her eyes right now because she thinks I'm too passive with everything). But what I mean is I like to try to model the right behavior in front of the boys instead of teaching it. Someone once said, "More is caught than taught." That has to be true in some cases. Even when I played basketball I led more by example than I did ordering people around. That's not my style. I try to demonstrate that reading my Bible is something that is important to us and that God is to be honored in our household. However, I should probably be more proactive in having devotional time with the boys and more intentional about spending time with them doing specific things. That's an area I need to improve.
Raising kids is hard. I don't want to be the reason that my boys grow up to be less than the men they should be. It's time to step up to the plate and take ownership of what is mostly my role in the household.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)